Monday, January 31

thinking inspiration

In trying to think more positively, I've stumbled onto a few beautiful quotes.
I felt like sharing with you, few (or nonexistant) friends.


"If we opened our minds to enjoyment, we might find tranquil pleasures spread about us on every side. We might live with the angels that visit us on every sunbeam, and sit with the fairies who wait on every flower." - Samuel Smiles


"Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher


"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." - Harriet Tubman

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.  ~Vincent Van Gogh


The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.  ~Paul Tillich

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.  ~Sophia Loren

I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.  ~Louisa May Alcott

Thursday, January 27

Server Girl :: the big question

I've been a waitress (server) for going on seven months now. I love working at a sushi place, but I really hate the job. What I (think I) really want is a boring job where I have a tiny desk, fetch somebodies coffee five times a day, answer the phone and file paperwork. A job where I get paid by the year, not by the customer.
There are good nights as server; nights like tonight when I work six hours and make about $120, which comes out to $20 an hour-- more than I would as an office assistant. But most nights this isn't the case. Most days I make minimum wage or less, and generally speaking I make $50 per shift. The worst days are the ones where I work my ass off but customers still only pay me one or two dollars per person.


(If you weren't aware, servers don't actually get paid by the restaurants they work at. Not usually anyway. I get paid about a dollar an hour by the restaurant-- after taxes-- my boyfriend doesn't get any money from his. It all goes to taxes, tips are all we get to keep. For the majority of servers, the individual customers are the ones that actually pay the server. What you leave as tip is all we get paid for serving you. Which is why 10% is never an acceptable tip, unless you got your food to go. Soap box over.)


But what's bugging me most isn't the money. It isn't (completely) the fact that I've been broke for a full three months now. It isn't that my boss keeps cutting my hours so in a few weeks I'm going to be struggling to make ends meet.
It's that at this job it seems that I'm pretty much always miserable. I like the other servers I work with, I like that--other than putting up with crazy people and the like-- my job is mostly easy. And I even like the food where I work, even though I don't get to eat it more than once a month.
But I hate that this is what I'm doing. 
I'm not traveling, I'm not moving up any corporate ladder, I'm not creating things or doing something interesting, I'm not building my future or living in my present, and I'm not doing something I love
I'm working a crappy job just to get by and I'm not even doing things I like in my spare time. All I ever do is wait to go back to work so I can get more money to pay my bills and buy groceries. I watch tv, I pour over job sites for a real job, and I wish I had money so I could replace my five year old jeans or fix our car.
I've tried thinking of creative things I could do to make money, but nothing ever pans out, even when it seems like a good idea in the beginning.

I keep telling myself that I'll be better. That I'll spend more time on my Bible and find the inspiration I need to do all the things I want to. I tell myself I'll clean and finish editing my novel and create things and be happier. That I'll be more active and treat myself to things once and awhile and I'll do more things that I love and want to do.

But every day I still wake up late and I still end up on the couch watching tv because nothing feels worth starting. I'm stuck in a place where nothing looks like it's going anywhere at all. This whole up-coming year feels like a great big stretch up stuck-ness, nothing like what I want it to be. Because my manager doesn't like me (for some reason she won't actually tell me) my hours continue to drop at work, and the process of finding another stupid restaurant job makes me cringe and sink even further into the couch. Because apparently real jobs don't want me, even with two degrees and a decent resume. I have applied to so many local and national companies for all kinds of work that I'm actually kind of qualified to do, and I haven't received a single call back. Not a single request for an interview. It makes everything seem so useless.

But this is a lot of me complaining, and that isn't my point. I don't want to whine and be boring.

What I've been thinking a lot about is Weetzie. For a while, Weetzie Bat was a waitress at a diner. It's where she meets My Secret Agent Lover Man. From there everything seems to pick up for her. But there isn't a note about Weetzie being unhappy during her work there. And all I can think is, How? I feel so trapped here in my post-grad going-nowhere too-qualified-but-not-qualified-enough life in the same damn town but with no money and no friends, I can't imagine Weetzie being happy during that time in her life. How did she handle it?!

Ok, ok, she's fictional. I know this. She stayed happy because that's the way she was written. Happy and optimistic and loving.
But in my (off and on) quest to live a life more like her, I've continued to make excuses on why I'm not doing it. "Because life isn't that way", I'll say. But isn't that the point? To be like Weetzie in the real world? To be like this brilliant, fun, happy character (and other FLB characters like her) in a world that is hard and boring and poor and unpleasant and unforgiving and so un-magical in day to day life? Those who see magic and love and life every day are lucky, and I want to be that way but too often I want too much and do too little.

So then I'm back to the beginning. In this place in my life, stuck in between what I was and what I'm trying so hard to be (( student->server---assistant?, content->miserable---happy?, etc)), how do I look at where I am and smile and just be happy with what's around me, instead of only waiting for the things I'm searching for? Or just be happy with where I am while I try to create the life I want?

How do I buck up and actually live my life instead of just waiting for it?

I know I need to change myself before I can change my life. But how do I get to that point?

How would she?

Saturday, January 22

No Trims



I've loved The Dresden Dolls for a very long time, but for some reason when Amanda went pretty solo, I never really caught up and took a good listen.
Here, however, is the ultimate demonstration in (bizarre) self love!

Friday, January 21

Sunday, January 16

Little Bits of Happy (& a haircut)

I've opened up a small Etsy shop selling handmade accessories. It's mostly crocheted things at the moment, gloves, hair bands, and even rings, and soon will have hats and scarves, but I'm hoping to build it up little by little to include lots of different things. Hopefully things full of hearts and flowers and glitter, making your world a little brighter and fun.

Because I love this blog so much (even though nobody actually reads it), I've put up a coupon for any readers from here who'd like to purchase or commission something from me!
During a purchase (you'll have to contact me first if you want to commission something) Enter WeetzieBat for 10% off of any item!

So check out Glitter Baby at www.DreamCyn.Etsy.com
And please let me know what you think!


The other note, is that I really want a haircut. I'm so desperate I'm considering grabbing a pair of scissors and doing it myself. But I'm absolutely terrified of getting rid of my hair (even though that's exactly what I want to do) and might have to pay someone to do it just so it'll actually get done.
Internet Inspiration give me strength!

Thursday, January 6

Be Like Weetzie Bat

Number Two :: Decorate The WORLD Around You

"Cherokee's side of the room was filled with feathers, crystals, butterfly wings, rocks, shells and dried flowers. there was a small tepee that Coyote had helped Cherokee make. "
~Witch Baby

Easy Ways to Decorate Any Room ::
~ Find fake flowers and use them any way you can. Bouquet them in cheap glass vases, Hang them in wreaths from the wall or over the door, pin/glue them to shelves, tables, or frames.
-- Dan picked up a basket of fake fall flowers from the recycling pile at our building a while back, and I spritzed them with fabreeze before pulling them all out of the ugly basket and putting them in vases all over the apartment. Now, whenever I need a burst of lovely, I spritz them with pumpkin spice room spray and position them in lovely places on tables and shelves.
~ Make friends with the local thrift store, or even just the dollar store!
-- These are great places to pick up little decorating items, especially vases, holiday bits and pieces (snow globes, statuettes, window clings, etc), those fake flowers I suggested, plus basic decor like wreathes, place mats, etc! Not to mention candles, which are definitely a must and should be everywhere. :)
~Find Inspiration! 
-- I love blogs like Gala Darling and  Little Bukowski (pictures to the right and left), I mean, look at that bathroom! And the classic office look? Beautiful. Don't forget to flip through decorating and style magazines. You don't need to buy any of that stuff to snag some inspiration.
~Reuse everything you possibly can.
-- I'm a sucker for glass food jars, whether it's giant mason jars or tiny soup base jars, everything is used, cleaned and re-used as cups, vases, or new homes for homemade sauces, which usually then adorn my kitchen counters. Then there's old books, stacked and arranged, empty/clean wine bottles as vases/candlestick holders, clear vases filled with water and tea light candles, or old records as wall art! 
~Don't be afraid of trying things out; you can always redo it later!
-- Rearrange your furniture, hang up frames (for a stingy apartment, Command Hooks work wonders!) and place candles. vases, or frames everywhere. You can always move them back later if you don't like it. One easy fix for this too, is to try some Wall Decals! Many are really affordable, and you can take them down whenever you want!
~Use your imagination!
-- Anything can be inspiration for your home, and so many things can easily be adapted to fit your style with little fuss. Just give it a shot.


"…Our apartment is teeny and you have to walk up eight flights to get to it but we have a fireplace with carved angels, a leopard-print chaise lounge, Maxfield Parrish prints of nymphs in classical sunset gardens, pink-damask drapes and silk roses in platform shoes from the 40’s and 70’s that Izzy has collected." ~Dragons in Manhattan

Recommended Links/Inspiration ::


"We live in a house with a tower. The man who built it was a toymaker; he carved the faces over the fireplace and planted the vines that cover the walls and the oleander in the garden. It smells like cedar and eucalyptus, smoke and lavender in this house. There are things everywhere: books, shells, fossils, dried flowers, bird skulls, the antique wooden cherub, the miniature stone sphinx, ivory monkeys, the brass menorah, china dolls with little teeth, the ancient Roman tear vessel that came from a tomb—that looks like a fossilized tear itself; the three bronze women stand erect. My father made them before I was born." ~The Hanged Man

Recommended Reading :: Weetzie Bat (of course) and The Modern Girl's Guide To Life (Chapters 1 & 4)

"Fifi’s house was a Hollywood cottage with one of those fairy-tale roofs that look like someone has spilled silly sand. There were roses and lemon trees in the garden and two bedrooms inside the house—one painted rose and the other aqua. The house was filled with plaster Jesus statues, glass butterfly ashtrays, paintings of clowns, and many kinds of coasters. Weetzie and Dirk had always loved the house. " ~Weetzie Bat

Recommended Movie :: Marie Antoinette

Tuesday, January 4

Beautiful Blogs :: beautiful little bukowski

I don't remember how I stumbled onto The Little Bukowski, but I wish I did, so I could repeat it with variance and find something as pretty and interesting and inspirational.

I find Little Bukowski to be light, airy, and whimsical, yet still grounded in the real world somehow. She talks about her life and the world around her. Her writing, even when it's about simple, mundane things, is pretty and sometimes even poetic.
She is really pretty, and has amazing tattoos and an adorable dog. Not to mention amazing photos with every post, usually of her, her pup, or her (past) roommates.


when the clouds come rolling in and hover quietly above my little house, i can feel their weight in my bones and it takes all the strength in the world to lift my body from bed. that's what today felt like. and it made me remember how much i used to loved calling out sick just to stay home and listen to good music. i'd waste away in bed and day dream about fancy things.
-from blog post Castles in the Air 


I draw inspiration from the images of the world around her. The rooms of her home, decorated in beautiful neutrals and pinks, everything frilly and comforting. Even her bathroom is beautiful, a vast mirror and adorable clothes-things hanging from the wall, almost like decorations themselves. 

I feel like i'm watching a polaroid slowly develop...like i'm holding an corner of my life and gently fanning it from coagulated liquid film into sharper images.
-from post Slowly Moving Alkaline

With every new blog I stumble onto I become more and more inspired (while, at the same time, feeling more and more bleh about my own life and how lazy I am) and as I continue to find things that I read and love, I continue to dabble in my RLS Bible, and little by little try to add to my life.

This week I'm writing: as much as possible. My manager at the restaurant apparently doesn't see the need to give me real hours, so I'm still only working two days a week. Luckily I can be broke right now, since my rent's already saved up, but if this keeps up, I'd rather be unemployed for a while, continuing this search for a crappy, entry-level position that will put me closer to where I want to be. 
Till then, I have to tell myself that if I want to be a writer (which I do) then I should write.
Lets hope something comes of that.


Monday, January 3

Lazy Sunlight Through Windowpanes

I have an idea for pictures along the blank wall of my bedroom.
Tiny, framed photographs, arranged haphazardly in waves along the drywall.
Black and white photos of the people and world around me blending into sepia candids followed by full color prints of flowers and sunlit skies.
Something to see and smile at, reminding me of the beauty in my own life. I don't always see it on my own.
taken & edited with my htc hero.
i need a real camera...
i am
tired
and
bored
and
anxious
and
all i want to do 
is go.

still.

If Mary were here maybe I would.
If I were different. Braver. More impulsive. More fun. Maybe I would.
If I had money, I'm sure I would.

but now, all i want to do
is sleep.

Sunday, January 2

Thinking Pink

For Sam.


This was said (written) to me recently from an old friend I hadn't heard much from in years. She's always suffered from low confidence and self esteem, but now she's trying to fight it and I wish her the best of luck with it.

The phrase inspired me to think about pink, and all the things that it represents, and to put together this collage.
Could the color pink possibly represent becoming who you want to be? 
Becoming more self confident and happy?
Becoming free?

Pink things I love:
baby roses.  mittens.  bubble gum.  fake jewelry. cherry blossoms.  sailor Chibi Moon.  cotton candy.  kamaboko.  pink champagne.  sweet (pink) milk tea.  shirley temples.  glitter eyeshadow.  strawberry milkshakes.  shrimp. orchids.  tulips. strawberry scented candles.  flowy summer dresses.  shiny painted fingernails.  sunset skies.

Pink can represent a particular attitude. Whether it's flirty or innocent, flamboyant or feminist, delicate or sexy, pink always makes a statement. It's there and delightful and it isn't shy about it, even in the most light, airy, baby pink summer dresses. 

Here are three things science claims the color pink can do:
  • Stimulate energy
  • Increases blood pressure, respiration, heartbeat, and pulse rate
  • Encourages action and confidence

I think confidence is a key here. Pink isn't something you see every day. In fact, I can't remember the last time I saw a person walk by with more than a dot of pink on them. But that's one of the things that makes it so great. It's completely you and unique to wear a splash of pink (via a bright pink scarf over an all black ensemble, or shimmery pink eyeshadow with an otherwise simple outfit) or a fully pink get-up with a flashy pink dress and crazy pink pumps! The trick is to not feel intimidated by the color. You're wearing it because you love it, right? So who the hell cares what some guy passing you on the street thinks? If you like what you're wearing, make sure you keep that in mind and hold yourself high. 
Confidence is key. If you love you, the world will too, and your pink fuzzy hat.

As an experiment for yourself, I recommend wearing a little bit of pink every day. Whether it's a plain pink ring, a giant pink flower pendant, or a set of pink beads. Start with a little. 
How does it feel? Do you like it? Add more; a matching pink scarf, hat, & gloves set (Target usually has some for cheap) or a cozy pink sweater. 
Is this the way you want to be? When you go out (and hold on to the confidence of this super color boost), do you feel happier about yourself or your life? You're wearing something you want and you (hopefully) think is beautiful. How does it feel?
Think about the ways this simple color addition changes things; you, your environment, your life.
What about another color?
Do you feel a little brighter? A little funner?

I'm not saying you have to wear pink every day, or even that you should. But if you need a boost some time, give this a shot. 
It's a new year, let's start it off a little prettier, a little brighter, and a little more confident.


Collage made with http://www.photovisi.com/, using images collected online and text by S.W.

Saturday, January 1

Resolution.

I never really go for resolution season.
I might say I'll go to the gym more or be less lazy or quit doing things that are bad for me (junk food, late nights, etc), but I'm pretty average about giving up a few weeks into the new year.

But this year my resolutions aren't about giving things up or forcing myself to do anything. Instead, they are about making my life better for me. About making me happier. And about being better all together.

I think this is a great thing to put in my Bible, showing what my primary goals are for my life (to be happy, duh!) in simple, practical ways.

I also made a list (below) of more vague things I want to happen in the 2011 year. Because those desires are what ultimately fuel what I will and won't do, so they're important to keep track of.
I don't think it's finished, but I still have five hours left in the day to think about it.

Again, Happy New Year.
Let's make Two Thousand and Eleven a beautiful year.

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