Thursday, November 14

Cream Tea for Two

Some local "handmade" Devonshire cream was discounted at the hippie store today, and I just got a small paycheck, so.... I bought it, of course.

I love clotted cream and jam, so I grabbed a few scones and planned a five o'clock teatime.

A few bags of masala tea, one warmed, sliced scone, some heavy cream, sugar, clotted cream, and jelly (i didn't think to grab some fruit jam) later, and my late afternoon tea was set!

The clotted cream (made in Chapel Hill, I believe) was good! Rich and buttery, though not sweet at all (which, I know, is how it's supposed to be) it had a consistency that I really thought I would hate at first. It looks thick and sticky like glue, but it actually has a nice texture/mouth-feel that I was really happy with.
And with the jelly, it was amazing! Even the not-great scones were delicious with the sweet and rich mixture.

I just thought I'd share.

Related Posts  :: posts labeled Afternoon Tea

Wednesday, November 13

Inspirations :: Holly Golightly

Today's Inspiration Icon :: Holly Golightly

(Character) Played by: Audrey Hepburn
Movie: Breakfast at Tiffany's (book as well)

If there ever was an icon above all icons, both in personality, fashion, style, and lifestyle, it's Holly Golightly.

Played (beautifully) by Audrey Hepburn (another icon in her own right) and written by Truman Capote, Holly is not necessarily all that bright, but is fun, sleek, quick, fashionable, and oh-so independent.

"Holly (age 18–19) is a country girl turned New York café society girl. As such, she has no job and lives by socializing with wealthy men, who take her to clubs and restaurants, and give her money and expensive presents; she hopes to marry one of them. According to Capote, Golightly is not a prostitute but an American geisha."[1]" -- Wikipedia

“I'm very scared, Buster. Yes, at last. Because it could go on forever. Not knowing what's yours until you've thrown it away.”  -- Holly, book

The book and movie are certainly two different things. Not only is one literary fiction (book) and one a romantic comedy (movie), but Holly is definitely different in each. Also, details in the plot and ending are very different (In the book, Paul [no name] is gay-- though in love with her-- and *spoiler* they don't end up together)

"Capote: Holly Golightly was not precisely a call girl. She had no job, but accompanied expense-account men to the best restaurants and night clubs, with the understanding that her escort was obligated to give her some sort of gift, perhaps jewelry or a check ... if she felt like it, she might take her escort home for the night. So these girls are the authentic American geishas" --Wikipedia

Yet both the book and the movie are two of my favorite things in the world, with very different reasons for each; but Holly is still a strange, wild, delightful character to read, watch, and be inspired by. I really think, though, that this is not only because of how cool or glamorous or independent she is (she is all those things) but all because of her very real, very human flaws.

"there are a lot of major differences between Capote's 1958 novella and George Axelrod's screenplay to the 1961 movie. There's the setting (the 1940s, not the contemporary 1960s), the nameless narrator (called Paul in the film), Holly's age (she's still in her late teens in the story but played by 31-year-old Hepburn on-screen), Holly's fondness for marijuana (gone in the film). Holly's bisexuality (ditto), and the wistful, ambiguous ending (replaced in the film by a conventional romantic happy ending)."

"Holly likes to shock people with carefully selected tidbits from her personal life or her outspoken viewpoints on various topics. Over the next year, she slowly reveals herself to the narrator, who finds himself fascinated by her curious lifestyle." -- Wikipedia

Holly is kind-hearted, but also selfish. Desperate to be free, she leaves her family behind and chooses a life for herself. Brave and free-spirited move? Yes. But there are many times when Holly shows her occasional selfish, shallow side. Also, her... intellect? I don't remember if this was an issue in the book (I'll check), but in the movie she shows a very simple lack of knowledge in things such as books and the law and her interpretations of people and situations. There's also her depression and sort of... lack of direction, which I think is a very human touch; her Mean Reds.

"“The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.”  " --Holly, movie

Yet despite these flaws she's still beautiful and fun and free, and kind of the very essence of a (admittedly lazy) modern woman who wants to choose her life and live it exactly as she likes wherever and whenever she wants to. She still feels out of place and like she hasn't found herself (or her home) yet, which is a theme that reoccurs in both the book and movie, but she continues to search. In the movie this is somewhat resolved with romance (of course) but in the book it's never really solved, perhaps because it doesn't have to be. Holly continues to explore the world and live as freely as she chooses, and I think it's a more empowering, freeing ending that allows us to remember that we can always continue on our journey. The romance is cute and all, but not exactly empowering.

""Good luck: and believe me, dearest Doc -- it's better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear.”" -- Holly, book

While Holly's leaving is remembered with melancholy, the book seems to say, in a way, that we never have to stop searching for ourselves if we don't want to. We don't have to settle down. We don't have to give in to what other people want. We don't have to be what other people want. We can live our own lives. Even as women. Even as someone selfish, vain, naive women; we can live our lives.


Related Reads:

Revelations about Breakfast At Tiffany's
Holly Golightly is my Guru
The Making of Holly Golightly
25 Things You Might Not Know...

Sunday, November 10

A... Grocery List?

So, I'm a poor person. I'm working now, which means slightly less financial stress in general, but still, anything that's more than $5 (and i mean anything) is too expensive for me.

Unfortunately, the beau and I have three eating modes. Freezer Foods -- foods I buy all at once that require only a few ingredients, then pre-prep, pre-season/marinate, separate into servings, and freeze (meatballs, pre-seasoned, pre-cut chicken, stews etc) to simply be thawed and cooked without any work put into it -- Going Out (we're lazy and this is the biggest way we WASTE money, by saying "but i don't waaanna eat ramen...") or Cheap Foodie Eats.

So that's what this post is about. It's just a grocery list, really -- and i'm not going to post the recipe steps unless anyone asks (they're pretty simple foods)-- but I wanted to show you how I do simple but delicious (and kinda healthy) things that don't cost much but often fill you up and handle some kind of craving. And I'll include approximate costs for things from my international store, to give you an idea of pricing.

Not my photos today, unfortunately...

So here's this week's three primary meal plans:

Quinoa Bowls

this is inspired by a HelloFresh recipe for next week, and though i'm not getting it from them, i knew i could make it
myself and it's so damn easy i can't wait to try it.

--Quinoa (2.99/lb)
--Avocado (1.99)
--Sweet Potato (1)
 Chimichurri sauce: -- Parsley/Cilantro (1) --Vinegar (1), garlic, chili flakes, lemon
Approximate Cost:  $8 -- 2 servings

Spicy Krab Hand Rolls

I am always sad by how little I get to have sushi. It's really my favorite food, and not being able to eat it often because we don't have any places that are both good and affordable here is really depressing. I can make sushi-- its pretty straightforward-- but all the ingredients together tend to add up to big costs, even if it does last you much more than the same amount of money at a restaurant-- it's still an investment. So this is my makeshift recipe list to satisfy my desperate craving for a spicy, nori-packed, crispy spicy tuna roll, since raw tuna is expensive, but imitation crab isn't.

--Nori (1.49)
--Rice (1.99)
--Krab (1.99)
--Cucumber (.5)
sesame oil
(optionals- avocado, lettuce, sprouts, tobiko, panko crumbs, etc)
Approximate Cost: $6 - 2-3 servings

Super Simple Thai Chicken Bowl

I've worked with a lot of asian people of all different types, and so far I've never been let down by their food (except maybe that fertilized duck egg... thing...i don't really want to try that again...). But since my go-to, super cheap, super easy, super lazy meal of choice is just chicken and rice (with optional additions like black beans, avocado, tomatoes, or quick-pickles) I have a lot of ways to do that now that incorporates things I've had or loved, and started to mock-up at home.
This is one example.

--Rotisserie Chicken ($5 on sundays) [can you use your own cooked chicken? of course. but i'm lazy, plus i save the bones in the freezer for stock]
--Rice (1.99) [cook it in broth for extra flavor, or, if you have some from before, use quinoa for a super health punch]
Ingredients for following asian additions;
*Quick pickles -- cucumbers/onions/zucchini (1), vinegar/lime (1), salt
*Thai dipping sauce [I call it moomoo sauce, because the guy who showed me how to make it was called Moo Moo (however, he was not Thai)] -- lemon/lime juice (1), fish sauce, garlic, chili sauce, sugar
Approximate Cost: $10-$12 -- 3-5 servings/

A fun alternative to this is an altered version of "Larb"-- which is essentially similar, but with ground chicken instead, with shredded veggies like lettuce or cabbage, and serving it on rice noodles smothered in the sauce would be a fun change.

See how simple and awesome these all seem? And the cooking part is just cut everything, make the starchy bit, and put it all together, either in a roll or a bowl!

And I think it's all very Weetzie. Healthy, quick, a tiny bit exotic, and less than $30 in total, for a giant chunk of the week's food, when you think about how many servings/meals each can make as far as using leftovers.

**items without a dash are things i always have at home anyway.

Tuesday, October 22

Baked Avocado Breakfast :: A Recipe

After seeing it over and over on Pinterest, I finally sat down and made the baked avocado with egg.
Since Weetzie (at some points or other) and other FLB characters are often vegetarian-- and typically live in California-- this seems like a very Weetzie recipe. Creamy, rich, simple, healthy.
Theirs (from Pinterest)


So after reading a few blog posts about it (some bashing, some praising) and a few different versions of the recipe, I gave it a shot.

First off, I didn't actually expect it to come out as pretty as in the pictures, but by doing it carefully (full
prep time only took less than ten minutes, btw) it came out pretty awesome.

I used seasoning salt and pepper as my seasoning, and cubed prosciutto that I bought for brushetta last week and have been trying to use up as my topping.
I can see why people either love or hate this. My beau loved it, and ate it straight out of the shell with a spoon. I was a little more iffy. It was good-- the prosciutto crisp and salty, the egg a little harder than I like but good, but the baked avocado has a smokey, just slightly bitter taste (possibly because it wasn't fully ripe) that I just didn't take to on its own. Solution? Carbs! I toasted up a crumpet (<3) -- though a regular slice of bread would do fine -- and smeared the avocado egg mixture on top. New result? Delicious!

My version::

-1 ripe avocado
-2 eggs
-seasoning (ie. salt, pepper, cayenne, seasoning salt, etc.)
-toppings (ie. bacon, cheese, ham, etc.)

Preheat oven to 425.
1. Crack two eggs into a bowl, careful to keep yolks in tact (in my research, this seemed like the best way to get the egg to fit)
2. Cut avocado in half, remove pit.
3. Season avocado.
4. On a baking sheet, wrap coil of aluminum foil in two circles, make sure they're steady.
5. Set avocado halves onto circles, making sure they are steady and don't wiggle.
6. Gently spoon one yolk into each avocado, then top with however much egg whites you can fit without spilling over.
7. Season and add toppings.
8. Bake for approximately 15 minutes.

Thursday, October 10

A Dream I Would Have Kept Private If Not for an Intense Need to Share it

I had a dream about a boy. He was young and beautiful and naive.
He had an amazing accent and a face I could love. I didn't want to tell him I was older than him. That I had a boyfriend. That I couldn't- and wouldn't- be his.
We met by my first apartment and we, with another girl, his roommate, went to drive, then walk, somewhere. I asked about school and life, and it felt real. They are quiet from friendly and fun. I didn't notice an accent, or the face like james mcavoy, until later. I spent this early time appreciating this chance with new, young people. Making friends. Soon we were walking towards the school, and at one point my best friend was there, then gone, but soon the tree-lined streets became new york lights and bustle. I talked about my love of the city and how I'd never gotten to do the things they do on tv. Be with friends on crazy adventures on manhatten streets. I keep asking questions, talking, laughing. I stay close to the boy. I tell myself that we could just be friends, that he wouldn't want more- that I wouldn't. I talk the most and the three of us lose each other in the crowd all the time, but my hair is blue and I'm wearing my new jacket and my arm is around them like old friends and I love it all.
There were strange parts in between- stores and cars and fear and drinks and a tennis court- but then we are back on the street and my heart already aches for him.  [this feeling will last the rest of the dream, and carry through my slow wake up. I want to hold on to it so much I will put off waking to create an ending to our story. I want to hold that feeling, that aching longing, as long as I can.]
After that the dream was soon different. The three of us want to walk home. At one point the boy does drugs I don't want, and it makes me sad. At one point he kissed my now-bare shoulder, forgetting I wasn't his to kiss, and I wanted him and it hurt. At one point my boyfriend was there, his arm around my waist as we all walked, and though I didn't want him gone, it hurt as well, and I wanted to wrap my arms around the boy.
Then it is just us, walking somewhere else, still trying to go home. I don't know where I am but I keep going. A busy highway, a shopping center. We're arguing. I'm mad about something. I mention his behavior, and the fact that I'm not his to-- what? be jealous about? At some point I notice the accent. Mild, almost irish. I love it instantly.
There's a turnstile and then we're in a grassy valley, walking. There's a few other people and it's bright and I don't feel afraid. He asks about school and I finally tell him I'm older than he is. We walk and talk and I'm dreading the end. I'm offered a joint I gladly take. We say we'll meet later, go for a drink. I see in his eyes that we both need it. We meet at a bar I've been to in my dreams before. I find him after seeing other people I seem to know. We see something strange here that I don't understand. We've already realized that we want to be together. And that we can't. There's something here we find, something that tells u s we were supposed to meet, that because of it he will do something he's meant to do and become a better person. His face is afraid and hurt. He worries that it won't be true and that he'll be the same. The face is so young, his self-doubt so strong. I hold his face in my hands and tell him I don't care, because even if he stays the same, that's a pretty great person. What I mean is that I love him anyway. I can feel it and it hurts.
Then we're in a cobbled street and someone knows me. I'm supposed to do something. Another part I didn't understand, we follow them and we're somewhere else, a gun fired into the air and i am supposed to be there. I don't understand but the me in the dream is sobbing, and the boy is holding me tight.
Here I'm waking up.
Somewhere in between dreaming and waking I slow it down.
He doesn't want me to go, and I don't want to leave. I try to explain. there are different kinds of love, and just because you could - or do - love someone, doesn't mean you give up the love you already have. you can love an infinite amount of people in different ways and for different reasons, but you can't always be with them. i tell him he's young and fun and beautiful and maybe I could spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm already spending my life with someone else. i can't leave that life, and wouldn't want to.
Being in his arms is a painful, beautiful longing. When my eyes open, I wrap my arms around myself and let my heart ache. I want to hold on to this feeling. This passion. I miss this kind of pain.
Soon I'll forget his face and the way his voice felt in my head and how his long, slim arms felt around me.
Soon I'll forget. But I'll miss it.

Friday, October 4

Exactly (Songs I Love #3)


i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am a blessing manifest
i can undress the moment
naked time unwinds beneath my mind
and from within i find the kind of beauty
only i can find
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am surrendering so willingly
to be the perfect me inside this now
and truly how else could it be
destiny she blesses me
when i try to fight or run
i only wind up back at square one
when i think i know what's best for me
fate she takes me back
to exactly where i need to be
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am divinely timed and shining brightly
yes i believe that there's a purpose just for me
yes i believe that we are light
and we shine infinitely
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am not aimlessly existing see
i am in perfect harmony with universal energy
and i am truly free when i accept my own divinity
look at me look at me closely
what exactly do you see
if you are paying attention you will now begin ascension of the mind
why, because if you look at me just right you will see a kiss
for it took a kiss to make this breath exist
the intersection of my mother's and father's lips
to touch twist and perfect what came next to produce me
look at me and you will see the breeze
the breeze it took to shake the leaves to make
my mother's hair move, my father dare touch it and say
please may i have a kiss
yes the breeze made me exist
and if you want to get even deeper into this
when you look at me you will see a cloud
the cloud it took to form the storm to shake the leaves to
inspire the liplock - yes a raindrop will pop up out these words
you heard me right
if you look at me close enough you will see a dark stormy night
and what is night without it's polar opposite of sunlight
so if you watch the way my hands sway
you'll see the light of day
and everyday is a testament to the sediment of the earth's core
it's ever spinning enormous force so if you look at me just right
you will see a spark of the source
but the most fascinating thing about this, and it's true
is that if you look at me close enough, you see you
it's only what you perceive how you believe the space between
you and me
that creates reality
so when i sing you can feel it
when i cry you can heal it
when i speak words you can be the words i speak by singing with me
peace love free
peace love free
peace love free
and when i am alone and full of fear
i just remember the rising sun always appears
everyday miracles that i see
well they take me back to exactly where i need to be 

 ***photo found in Zedge Android App. Is currently my favorite wallpaper.

Wednesday, October 2

Kicking A Cold, Weetzie Style

How I kicked my cold's ass before it even started; in the hippie-dippy way.

I get sick a lot. I mean A. Lot.
In my last year of substitute teaching, I literally got sick every two weeks. Cold, Flu, Bronchitis, Cold, Head Cold, Flu, Strep, Cold.  It was ridiculous.

But I've always fought my illness-induced misery with bottles and bottles of cold and flu medicine. While my beau has always chastised me for it, I've always been more focused on feeling okay than getting better.

But no more.
Due to a possible work opportunity (finally!) and family health issues, me getting sick right now is NOT an option.
Enter my sister at a family get-together this past weekend, and my mom's statement "Oh, she's just got allergies."  Not.
Within 24 hours I was practically feeding her cold medicines and nasal sprays, all while breathing in all her plague germs at night in my parents' 60 degree household.

Come Sunday morning, my throat hurt and my head ached. Damn. Damn. Damn. Among my other stresses, as I said, getting a cold was not an option.

So I hit up the hippie store.
A handful of packets of Emergen-Cs, Echinacea Root, Echinacea Herb, Elder Berry, and Ginger Soother, and I was ready to go. To this arsenal I added honey, white vinegar and "hot honey".

My battle plan:

Three Cups of Cold-Fighting Tea per day.
Morning & Night= Echinacea Root + Elder Berry + Boiling Water + Honey
Afternoons= Echinacea Herb + Elder Berry + Boiling Water + Honey

2-3 Emergen-C drinks per day.

Gargle White Vinegar twice a day (morning & night)

Swallow Hot Honey 3-5 times per day

One Ginger Soother on my worst day (day three) and again on forth & fifth day, just in case.

I also cut out a chunk of my sugar, dairy & caffeine intake, junk food, and tried to drink mostly water, tea, and pure fruit juice. I also got a lot of exercise, but that wasn't intentional, though I'm sure it helped.

I started this on the afternoon of my first day of symptoms.
On my second day, I felt worse. A cold was definitely coming.
On my third day, I felt much worse.

Then, on my forth day, I felt much better. Better than even the first day!

Considering my illnesses always last between one and three weeks, this was a huge improvement and I felt crazy successful. Plus everything had been done naturally, with a steady schedule of immune-boosters, antioxidants, and bacterial killers!
How very Weetzie!

So, having told of  my adventure, you're welcome to stop reading, but I'll list what I used and why for each ingredient beyond the jump.

Wednesday, September 25

HelloFresh Review

Hey lovelies!

I just wanted to post a quick review of my new favorite thing in the world.
Love food? Check this out.
One box. Three meals (more, really). Free shipping.
 It's a food delivery service that sends you a box every week-- out every other week, or once a month, however you want, with all-- and I mean all-- the ingredients for three meals per week (for two or four people).
Free shipping, too!

It's a little expensive for a tiny budget like mine- though there are ways to get money off, such as my coupon code below, as well as account credit- but we went out on a limb and ordered the first box as a luxury and time saver and just for the fun of it! 

We don't need to grocery shop so much, don't need to argue about what we should have for dinner all the time, and it comes with easy to follow recipe cards (with photos) that make it fun to try out these recipes that we'd never have thought to make!

Every Tuesday night I'm eager for my box to come in (it gets here on Wednesday mornings) and every Wednesday night I can't wait to find out what the next box is going to be (new menu is up every Thursday)!

Did I mention that it comes with virtually everything you need for each meal? All you usually need are the tools (pots, pans, dishes) some oil, and some salt and pepper.
Everything you need!
Everything else is in the box! Recipes, fresh meats, veggies, fruits, spices, plus condiments, garlic, garnishes, everything!
Everything's wrapped individually and kept together in bags for each meal, so you just put the bags in the fridge (pantry items seem to come in separate bags) and pull out whichever bag you need for the meal you want to make!

The menu is changed every week, with options for you.
There's three vegetarian meals, or five classic meals that you choose three meals from. It's a great variety and change, but still with choices and all delicious.

And so far almost every meal has actually made enough for us both plus leftovers, so we're actually getting more than three meals out of it.

The photo recipe cards are really cool because, A) they're pretty and easy to read and reusable and just adorable, and B) they make it really easy for my beau to cook, even though he's not usually good at it, AND we get to collect them, so we'll have this cute little pile of recipes perfect for a hand-made cookbook, so we can make our favorites over and over!
Recipe cards from our first box (classic). The Kofta was so good! And the salad was fun!
And because each meal is meant to be made in less than 30 minutes, it's a restaurant quality meal that's quick and simple, so we don't feel that "I wanna go ooout!" craving as often (so the money part balances out a little since we go out to eat less).

If you don't like the service (or can't afford it all the time) all you have to do is either set it on pause until you want another box, or just cancel it. No questions asked (except maybe a quick 'why') and no hidden fees or commitments.
That's really what got us to do it. Knowing that we could choose when we would get a box, based on what we could afford or wanted.

Our Vegetarian Box recipes this week. Note there's even nutrition info!
Also, as a side note, their customer service is really good so far.
It takes a while for them to get back to you sometimes, but they're really nice.
In our first box, we were missing the main ingredients of one of our meals (the mushroom risotto, which we still plan on making), and when we told them, they credited our account for a third of the original price (which means that much off a future box!).
We were impressed with how quickly they resolved it and how nice they were.

These photos are from our first two boxes. I love how fresh everything is, how creative and healthy the meals are, plus how cute it all is! 

And the variety means we're always trying something new and different all the time!
Today was pasta with escarole and mushrooms, tomorrow is african peanut stew made with eggplant and peanut butter on top of quinoa, roasted sqaush after that. So cool! Next week is seared steak with tomato/olive ragu, spicy chicken linguine, and artisan sausages with fresh mashed potatoes.

We've loved all the meals so far, and anything we didn't love, we worked out how to adapt it in the future, such as a different herb, an added side dish, or a different ingredient.

So, to sum it up.
Classy, gourmet food that's easy to make and delicious, delivered right to you.  Healthy, fresh, and delivered. Comes with literally everything you need.
I love it love it love it.

Great for busy foodies or those looking to learn how to cook new things (or at all).

AND for $20 off your first box, use the code 9Y42J5 when you check out.

It brings the price down a lot, which is really great to just give you a taste of it!
If you're not sure about whether or not you want to keep going, just put your deliveries on hold while you're deciding, and they won't charge you a thing until you want another box (or not)!

Try it!

Edit:: the coupon code recently changed; make sure you use the correct one (9Y42J5)

Wednesday, September 18

Beautiful Books:: The Elementals

Currently reading FLBs "The Elementals".
It had a slow start, I think, but I've fallen in love. Very pretty. Very ... relatable, if that's even a word. In fact, I find it more relatable than some of her other books. 

There's just something much more relatable and understanding about a girl entering college after traumatic setbacks and feeling lost, alone, and grasping onto the things she finally finds magical. 

 "That was when I started to run. I ran and ran as fast as I could along the pavement. Sweat poured down my face, mixing with the tears that had started to come. I could run fast. But you just can't run faster than time, not faster than death and, as I'd find out, not faster than love."
-- page 8

Weetzie Bat led a beautiful life, but it's not one everyone gets, or understands, or even necessarily wants. But Ariel is so real and complex in her fears and desires that I see myself behaving much the same way as her in many of the situations she faces. Her fear and anxiety and loneliness and desire to find her friend (and herself) definitely reflect me back at myself in a sad, beautiful way. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

"I walked past groups of laughing frat boys in monster masks and sorority girls dressed as sexy cats, sexy witches or sexy fairies in accessorized leotards and tights. The homeless were out in full force as well but the Greek kids were ignoring them in the usual way, as if they were invisible, phantoms. But I saw. The woman with the wings held a skeleton mask over her face and her small companion was dressed head to toe in clothes that looked as if they had been dipped in blood. The man with dreadlocks had twisted them into horns. He approached me, mumbling and waving his hands. I froze. As he got closer he shouted, 'The end is near and the parallel universe is not near complete!' He kept walking past me and I resumed breathing. The air smelled of coffee and chocolate. I stopped at the corner and looked around. People were sitting in the cafe. It seemed so warm and cozy in there."
  -- page 29

It reminds me a little of Echo, in the searching, and Quakeland in its self aware anxiety, The Hanged Man in its views of life and the self, and Ecstasia in its lush sensory descriptions.
But all of these in a much more narrative, realistic, understandable way. I can see myself as Ariel in ways I couldn't with other characters. I don't aspire to be like her or in her life; I just could be. Anyone could be.

The story is part coming-of-age, part supernatural, and part crime mystery. It's lovely and touching and sad and scary, and reminds you of those times when you just want to run and jump and dance, dress up, play, light candles and kiss and write and sing and be alive as much as possible.

"Everywhere I went I imagined she was walking with me. I tried to see things through her eyes; it wasn't hard. I knew how she thought. The faces she would find beautiful or interesting, the scruffy and disabled dogs she would stop to pet, the jewelry she would life from black velvet on the street vendor's table, examining to see how it was made, the buildings she would want to live in."
--page 17

It's also incredibly grounded in its representation of love and fear and tragedy, and I swear it's a wonderful read, Teen-Fiction or not. 

It's amazing.

Tuesday, September 10

Soba Salad Anyone?

Scanning through Necklace of Kisses last week for a post got me wanting miso soup and cold soba noodles. She eats them like three times and there's only so many times I can see or hear about something before I want it (okay, so it's really only one time, but still).

So last weekend I got some miso paste, tofu, and wakame seaweed and settled the miso problem. That's easy enough.

But while I know how to make soba noodles, and usually have the noodles themselves around, I'm generally afraid to try anything new with them.

Today I got over that fear.

The stuff;
Buck wheat soba noodles
Meat/protein (I used cooked steak, next time gonna use quinoa and egg)
Veggies (peas, Napa cabbage, spinach are good)
Toppings (sesame seeds, nori strips, furikake)
Sauce. You can use a light dressing like miso dressing, peanut dressing, or just soba broth -- here's what I used today;  drippings from the steak, bottled soba broth, scallions, a drop of sesame oil, black vinegar, and crushed peanuts.

The process;
1. Prepare your meat/protein as needed. Set aside to cool.
2. Prepare soba as directed on package.
3. While soba is boiling, prep everything. -if using frozen veggies, add to boiling noodles so they cook with it. -cut protein however you'd like it. I prefer small chunks for meats/tofu.
4. Prepare your chosen sauce and allow to cool if hot. I mixed all my dressing ingredients in a pan on low and then let cool. If you're using a bottled dressing/broth, no work required!
5. Rinse noodles really really well in a colander and then allow to drain fully.
6. In a big bowl, mix all ingredients gently. Start with noodles, then veggies, then most of the meat and a helping of sauce. Start slow with the sauce and add as needed- you don't want it soupy. Then add some of your toppings and mix gently. Add ingredients as desired.
7. In (cute) bowls or traditional platforms, use chopsticks to arrange a pile of noodles. Make sure to get helpings of meat, veggies, etc. To finish, place a few bits of protein around the edge and top with a small pile of sesame seeds and nori strips/flakes, and any other toppings.
8. Enjoy your cool, filling, healthy meal.

Monday, August 26

Quarter-Life-Crisis Homeschooling

Continuing from Unemployment 101

Class Ideas. Part one.

Select a few of the courses below for your semester-ly (or quarterly) schedule. Each of those "courses" should then be attempted for between 30 minutes and one hour at least two to three times per week. Just pick one or two of the suggestions -- or make your own -- to try for each "course".
Take the weekends off :)

Course Name: Employment 101
Description: Since my biggest problem right now is my lack of job (or real job, for that matter), a good place to start, even though I don't want to, is on learning how to get a job. I really hate tutorials on resume building, job interviews, etc. But part of me knows that if I never learn this stuff, I will remain stagnant. So let's get learning about work.

Syllabus Ideas:
*Use online job search resource pages:'s Career Advice
Career Builders
Huffington Post
Remember, not all advice will apply to you. Keep learning.
*Google search "How to become a ____" and fill in with your desired profession.
*Buy (and read!) the resources that deal with your profession. This could be manuals, histories, how-tos or biographies. For me this would probably be Style Guides, Writer's Markets, and books on editing/editors. My beau has a large collection of books on typography and design.
*Find local resources. Many cities and universities have a surprising amount of resources for people looking for work, beyond just unemployment and long lines at state job networks. Look them up in your area!
*Field Trip! Go out and look! This week, if I can drag myself out of my apartment, I'm hoping to go to a local job network meeting. I don't really think it'll get me a job-- because I don't actually  have a skill set (thanks college)-- but I do see it as a step forward.

Course Name: International Languages
Description: It's not a secret that knowing another language is not only cool, it opens up doors for you, whether they're social, in traveling, or your career. Being bilingual looks really good on a resume, and can be just fun.
Though I grew up in a multi-racial family, I was too lazy as a child to learn spanish, and now I'm just bad at it thanks to a terrible memory. But I also have never tried hard enough.
Admitting that is step one. Step two is getting started. Step three is not quitting. Step four is learning.

Syllabus Ideas:
Have rosetta stone? Awesome! An available tutor (or friend, family, etc)? Sweet! Otherwise, do some research! There are plenty of sites that have videos or learning tools to help start the basics.

My tool of choice will be Babbel, a wonderful, (almost) free resource online and on an app that lets you learn (almost) whatever language you want.
The app is completely free (from what I've seen) but the website is not. After using the app off and on for a month, I'm only now looking at the website, which seems to have trials but not full access for free; so stick with the app.
That's okay, though, because the app is awesome. You go through lessons of word listings where you're given pictures of the words, you hear the pronunciation, and you then repeat the words so it can judge how you're doing. Then there are mini activities to help you get used to the words and how they're used, and in the main menu there's also a Review program that goes through a certain number of the words you've done (can be repetitive) to help your memorization. So far the only thing it seems to be lacking is sentence structure, but if it doesn't come up, you can look that up or get a children's learning book to help.
Watch out for some of the pronunciation, though. This is Spanish spanish (as in, from Spain) and some things can be tricky/different. One example is juice, which, in most of the hispanic world is "jugo" (who-go), but in Spain is apparently "zumo", but with the Spaniard lisp, is pronounced "thoo-mo". I tend to fail that one, but luckily I already knew jugo.

Course Name: Gym
Description: Seriously. We need to exercise. The fact that I have this time to do anything, but no motivation to go to my gym which is a) within walking distance (like 20 feet) and b) free (!), my excuses are poor and pathetic. So it's time to get moving! Different from Recess in that it focuses on moving with a purpose instead of general play (we'll get to that later), Gym should consist of exercise that clears your mind, makes you sweat, and builds your body. Exercise can help you lose weight, stay healthy, fight stress (and illness), and even help you sleep. Cut your excuses and get moving.

Syllabus Ideas:
*Get to the gym. Whether its a free gym or not, going to the gym gives you really no choice: you're there, so work out. Use motivational apps like Zombies, Run! ($6) to get you started on something (treadmill, in this case- you can start out walking until you build stamina) and work your way up slowly.
*Field Trip. Take a $5 zumba class or something, or find local groups that offer donation based classes (my city has tai-chi, but i haven't found anything else). Just doing one will make you feel better -- more active, more social, more energized -- even if you can't do more than that.
*Play! Use games like Just Dance, Dance Central, or Wii Fit or Kinect Training to get some exercise in your own home while having fun (and not having to worry about looking bad.
*Use your environment. Have a pool nearby? Swim laps. Live near a mountain? Go or a hike. Got a bike? Use it! Don't let what you have go to waste.
*Stretch. A simple Gym course can be just 30 minutes of simple stretching. It seems like a lot, but find a Stretching Routine that you like, spend at least one minute in each pose, with some minute breaks in between, and you'll feel more flexible, healthy, and relaxed when you finish. 
*Oh, don't forget abut sex. There are a lot of different statistics about how many calories sexual activity can burn, from a tiny bit to a whopping workout. That doesn't really matter all that much. Sex is healthy and does, in one way or another, burn calories and get your body moving. So make it heavy and make it last, and you've got a workout to begin or end your Gym class.

Course Name: Recess
Description: Where Gym class is about getting sweaty and fit, Recess is a time for fun. Active fun, that is. At school, there are no computers, no movies, no games, no couches. But there also doesn't have to be treadmills or long distance sprints, weights or aerobics. Recess is about fun, laid back activity that gets you moving in a much less strenuous way, and encourages fun/happiness a little more than fitness.

Syllabus Ideas:
* Take a walk around the block. Your block or someone else's. Park? Downtown? Anywhere. To take up time, you can start with five minutes of stretching, a 20-25 minute walk, then five more minutes stretching to cool down. Enjoy your surroundings.
* Play with your pet. Inside or out, just 15 minutes of playtime can improve your emotional and physical health.
* Play with friends. Whether it's Frisbee at the park or swimming at the pool, any time spend moving about outside is a good activity. Or get someone to play tennis or basketball with. Don't have friends? Find out if your community has an intramural/casual sports team. I used to live in a park area where twenty-somethings got together to play kickball or ultimate frisbee. No commitments and social activity makes it a win.
*Go to the park and play on the jungle gyms. Monkey bars, climbing walls, and anything you climb through, over, or under can make you feel active and silly and fun. This is more fun if you have someone to be silly with you. **You might want to go to an empty one to avoid looking like a creeper.
* Play games! Twister. TV Tag. Racing. Simon Says. Jump Rope. Make like a kid and find someone to play games with!

Next time; FYI Sciences, Art, Home Ec, History Appreciation, Nutrition for Beginners, and Sex Ed!

Wednesday, August 21

Tidy by Numbers

This means almost nothing coming from me, because I'm a terrible mess all the time, but few things feel as good as having your home significantly cleaner.

Although I kind of imagine a Weetzie home to be adorably cluttered, I also see it as a certain kind of tidy.
There are probably a lot of things, definitely, but I'm sure almost all of those things have their place, and I really can't imagine Weetzie stepping over mountains of dirty clothes and towels to make her way across her bedroom. Witch Baby, maybe, but not Weetzie, nor some of the other creative FLB characters.

So even when I'm busy like crazy, I yearn for a lovely, moderately tidy home, even if it's covered in decor and comfy cushions. They should at least look a little tidy.
Because I'm effing lazy as hell, I rarely do full cleaning sprees, but I've picked up a few little things that help me feel better when the dust and dirty dishes are piling in on me and making my head spin.

1. Empty your small wastebaskets.
Seriously. It doesn't seem like much, but any small trashcans sitting around with trash in them are a hinderence on your cleanliness, and your state of mind. It's practically miraculous how instantly cleaner a room is when there isn't a pile of trash heaped in the basket by your desk, bed, or toilet. And it only takes like 30 seconds!
Empty it!
I get vanilla scented mini trash bags from the dollar store, and use those for all our small wastebaskets. It adds a touch of happy freshness to the process.

2. Have two minutes? Clear something off.
When I just finished reading, writing, or watching something, before I transition to something else (regardless of what it is, as long as I have time) I try to un-clutter something. Whether it's my coffee table, my kitchen counter, the tray I keep on the foot stool, or just the pillows and blankets on my sofa.
The first thing your eyes settle on that's more cluttered than it should be-- be it a desk, shelf, table, counter, whatever!-- fix it!
Put books back on the shelf, throw out the little bits of paper and plastic wrappers, stack the coasters, put the remotes back where you prefer them, wipe off the dust with a wet napkin. Even if part of this process is piling paperwork on your desk to file/throw out later, just focus on one space at a time. I mean, don't just move the mess somewhere else; put as much stuff as possible wherever it actually belongs.
Two minutes, that's all it takes, then you're off to do whatever you actually wanted to do.
Later, or tomorrow, do it again.

3. Put things back.
It seems like a simple enough thing to do, but we just can't seem to put things back where we got them!
Makeup from my (over-the-door) vanity pockets always seems to settle onto the bathroom sink, where there really is no room for them. Snack bags sit on end tables until the chips are stale. Remotes rest on the couch, eventually migrating to inside or behind the couch. Mugs stay on the counter, instead of the sink or dishwasher. Towels are abandoned on the floor. Books and notebooks always find themselves deserted on every possible flat surface.
If only we could put things back when we were finished with them, even if only for a while, the mess wouldn't add up, and the clutter would slowly but surely disappear.
The easiest way to avoid all that extra clutter is simply to put things where they belong. This both applies to after you've used it, and also that junk we always set down or pull out of our pockets as soon as we walk through the door. Don't let it happen. Either put it away immediately, or have a designated Junk Space where you can pile things to be sorted later.
If you can't seem to drop the habit, use those two minute clutter clean-ups to put everything that isn't in its proper place away. Not things that need to be cleaned, but just put in the proper place. Put all the laundry on the floor in its basket. Put all the mugs around the room in the sink. Put all the lost books on the shelf. One item at a time, or one room at a time. Only spend a few minutes on it, then move on with your day. This way, you won't feel like you're really cleaning at all, and -- hopefully-- it will simply become part of your transition from one activity to the other (even if those activities are watching tv to getting in the shower to watching more tv).

4. Clean as you do.
Generally, this phrase is 'clean as you cook,' meaning that as you make a meal, clean (or put in the dishwasher) each piece of kitchen equipment immediately after you use it. At the very least, rinse it and put it in the sink. This keeps your post meal cleaning a little simpler by cutting down on clutter.
But I think this applies to pretty much all activities. Working on a project? Put away everything you're done with as soon as you're done with it. Having a DVD marathon? Make sure the DVDs actually go back in their cases instead of sitting on the player. Have afternoon tea? Rinse that pot and put the settings away immediately after your finished. Sewing a new dress? Put away each piece of fabric, yarn, ribbon, or string away whenever you're not using it so it doesn't pile up around you.
You get the idea.

5. Use resources.
Check out websites, pinterest boards, and apps that encourage you to clean and help you get ideas. I know people who swear by "unfuck your habitat", and there are plenty of apps that help you manage your time between work, play, and chores.

6. Designate days.
Too busy to do more that a quick spree all week? Plan out one or two specific areas to do for each day of the week. This can be by cleaning type, by room, or however you feel helps you the most. For example, doing all the dishes on Mondays, cleaning tables and counter tops on Tuesdays, collecting all the trash (and taking it out) on Wednesdays, sweeping (and possibly mopping) the whole place (or just the dirtiest rooms) on Thursdays, and getting a load of laundry done on Fridays. For the weekend, do whatever is left to be done, like cleaning the bedroom, organizing your cluttered desk, or picking up laundry off the floor.

Honestly, my favorite way to clean, at the moment, is to put some music on and get started on the first simple thing I need to get done. Then, as I go, I just let myself get distracted by whatever mess catches my eye. I go for at least half an hour, but if I can do more, I just do it, keeping my stress level low by letting myself roam from task to task and back again with no pressure to finish a whole thing right away. When I lose steam, I do something that is more relaxing, like folding clothes or reorganizing my bookshelf until I feel like I can either go again, or just stop. No pressure, low stress, but a nice productive feeling.
It doesn't work all the time, but it's a good start to getting things done.

Have you tried any of these? What do you think?
What are your favorite quick and easy cleaning methods?

Sunday, August 18

Making Waves

Currently obsessed with my new nail polish. 
Magnetic wave nail polish by Sally Hensen.
I don't usually get excited about nail polish and stuff, but I love it.
Takes some work to get all the waves right, but it's woooorth it!
Makes me feel glamorous.

A few other nail products I'd like to try if I ever had the money. Check them out!
Let me know if you've used them!

Hunger Games nail polish set -- couldn't afford these when they came out...
Lustre Shine
Crackle Overcoat
 Sephora Spice Market
Sephora Blasted -- like Crackle but glittery
Velvet Manicure

Friday, August 16

Worlds of Taste {6} Necklace of Kisses

Centering on a much older Weetzie Bat, Necklace of Kisses is a really interesting and beautiful addition to the Weetzie series. With themes of lost romance and the struggle to find happiness long after you thought you'd found it, it's one of FLB's books that I really enjoyed. 
And, since it's a Weetzie, there's lots of food.

"Weetzie opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of tonic water and a bottle of grapefruit juice, which she mixed..." [17]

"As she put a milky way bar into the freezer for later,... [18]

"'What if I wanted to get eggs and oatmeal and fruit and a bran muffin?' Weetzie said." [19]

"'I found some oats, grapes, and a kiwi, he said." [20]

"...carrying a silver tray with a bunch of red and green grapes arranged elegantly beside a carefully skinned
and sliced kiwi. There was a bowl of oatmeal and three small china carafes, one with yogurt, one with raisins, and one with brown sugar." [21]

"...after three beers, she had eaten done yellowtail, slurped a salty, jiggling, orange sea urchin, and even rigorously chewed a piece of white-and-purple octopus,..." [29]

"If he opened the refrigerator and saw a plate of her soy cheese green chile enchiladas covered with edible orange nasturtium blossoms, he knew he would lose it." [36]

"There were slices of honeydew, cantaloupe, watermelon, pineapple, mango; there were blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, and grapes. There was also a huge oat bran muffin ad big as a cake, two perfectly poached eggs, oatmeal, freshly squeezed orange juice, and yellow tea roses..." [40]

"Then she heard the frozen milky way singing to her. It had a voice like Barry white." [43]

"When she was eighteen, she could have lived on raw fish, chocolate, and beer, but but not anymore."
"...Weetzie ordered miso soup, spinach with sesame, edamame, sauteed pumpkin, rice balls with umeboshi plum, cold soba noodles with scallions, and tofu steak." [69]

"...drinking an iced mocha latte with extra whipped cream..." [83]

"She felt like a ladyfinger that had been dunked in rum, while her daughter's were chilled cucumbers, ready to be sliced for tea sandwiches." [88]

"She lived on huge glass goblets of coffee...and mushuritos...-flour tortillas wrapped around carrots and cabbage, bean sprouts, tofu, and plum sauce." [94]

 "...silver serving dishes of scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, waffles, pancakes, and French toast dusted with powdered sugar. There were fruit plates decorated with scattered pomegranate seeds, shredded coconut, and toasted pecans. There were platters of lox, cream cheese, red onions, olives, cucumbers, and tomatoes. ...making omelets to order with a selection of finely chopped vegetables. ... fresh crepes. ... baskets of bagels and pumpkin muffins and... miniature fruit tarts that looked good enough to wear."
"...he would make free lemonade for her, the way he used to do, adding lemon slices and sugar to the ice water." [102]

"...only took some sliced cucumber, fruit salad, and scrambled eggs. ... after she and Bean had devoured six pieces of bacon, an avocado omelet, a bagel with lox and cream cheese, and a pumpkin muffin..." [104]

"...where she ordered some miso soup, avocado rolls, vegetable tempura, rice, and tofu salad..." [121]

"'Pasta with white beans, garlic, basil, Roma tomatoes, and a touch of olive oil.'" [124]

"'Blueberry pancakes. Come have breakfast with me.'" [132]

"Then they ordered grilled salmon with cilantro mango chutney..." [136]

"...a glass of lemonade and some chips and guacamole from the snack bar..." [142]

"...eating huevos rancheros." [152]

"...a bento box of soba noodles, rice, sauteed tofu, seaweed, and pickled vegetables..." [157]

"...potato puffs, crab cakes, mini quiches, shrimp satay. She washed it all down with more champagne..."

"...fruit salad, a poached egg, and fresh squeezed orange juice." [185]

", baguettes, and cheese..." [210]

Tuesday, July 30

Unemployment 101 :: A Long Introduction

If you've found yourself unemployed (or underemployed) life can be especially boring. If, like me, you find yourself drowning in a mixture of not only dull unemployment, but also achingly more difficult depression, then you probably feel (to at least a degree) that slowly but surely life is becoming less worth living and you've failed at life.

"Get an education they said, make money they said"
I think this is particularly true of, though not limited to, those of us in our early to mid-twenties (oh my god I'm in my mid twenties...) finding ourselves in a quarter life crisis, and anyone else who was raised to believe that going to college was the way to get a good job and not flip burgers or wait tables for the rest of your life, who, now that we're graduated and not getting jobs, often for years, we find ourselves doing just that because we actually can't get a job at all; good or otherwise.
And if you're now refusing "menial" labor and feeling the crushing sense of failure and hopelessness that is therapy-needed depression, it's likely you do something similar to what I've found myself guilty of for months now.

Sleep late and feel like a brainless zombie when you do wake up, wake up with a feeling of complete lack of motivation ("why should i get up, I have nothing to do") and spend the vast majority of the day on the verge of tears-- especially when searching through job openings, none of which you're qualified for, yet you apply anyway and never hear back-- avoid people because you know you'll talk about how broke and miserable you are, exhaust the visual resources that are Netflix instant, Hulu, & Amazon Prime (and, of course, use other people's accounts to each because they cost money), want to break down sobbing every time you see food you want or an ad for Ikea because you can't afford it, and then stay up till four a.m., zoned out in front of the tv, games, or scrolling through Pinterest, probably in tears again. 
Sleep eventually, probably medically induced and unpleasant, zombie wake, repeat.

Monday, June 3

Writing Time

So, I've always wanted to post my writing up on here, but I'm always nervous about putting work I really care about out into the internet, where it can be snatched up, twisted, and spit back out as some mutant (or even identical) version with someone else's name on it. So with my two (and a half) novels, I've avoided putting more than a few clips up for blog consumption.

Today this changes!

I've created a blog for my newest project, which is something I'm working on slowly, and more for practice and precision (and to try a new genre-- one I'm not very good at; supernatural and sexy). While I still consider this my property and very much hope no one steals it  (pretty please?), because I see this more as a project than a novel-in-the-works, I've decided to serialize it in a blog.

I'm also hoping for as much feedback as possible (even if it's only a comment or two), and other than critique forums where that's all I'd get, this seems like a good outlet.

Anyway, if you're interested, it is  (as of it's inception, but possibly not as it comes out) planned to be a story about a succubus who is kidnapped and forced into rehabilitation.
Supernatural. Sexy. Dramatic.
Maybe even the possibility of some crime solving involvement, or a sort of magical Girl Interrupted subplot.

Sound any good?
We'll find out, I guess.

If at all interested, first chapter will be up this week:

Tell me what you think.

Saturday, June 1

Beautiful Books :: Frenzy

The Frenzy

By Francesca Lia Block
(HarperCollins 2010)

"He would look into my eyes the next time I saw him ans sense that I had moved further away, become less like him." 

The Frenzy is s little different than the other FLB books I've read.
There's more of a plot, less imagery and metaphor/symbolism, and less steam of consciousness/quickly told sorry points. This one is slow -- a little repetitive-- and let's you admire the story-- one about love, loss, rage, being different, and finding yourself-- as it comes, without rushing you or overpowering your senses.

"May the river of peace flow through me. May the winds of calm blow anger from my mind. May love's fire burn away my pain. May the great mother protect me and may I know how to protect her as I go."

Plot-wise, I think this quickly became one of my favorites of hers, maybe just because after twenty-some books, little else but imagery and sensual writing, with light, airy plots--though usually steeped in an underlining layer of realism-- can get a little tiring, so a very straight forward, emotional, uniquely FLB, book like this was refreshing and lovely.

"The engine revved and roared like a beast as we took off into the night. Wind grabbed at my hair, flaring red strands around us. I held on tight to Corey's waist and I could smell his sweat-- a scent of adventure and hope and love."

Not to mention that throughout FLB's repetoiure of fantastical, lyrical, surreal and sensual texts, the characters in The Frenzy, somehow, felt the most real to me. The most solid.

"I let you down. I turned away from you. Without your love and acceptance... I could have been where you are now. Love is the only thing we have to save us."

Tuesday, May 28

Making House. Edition 1

I've been having a so-so week. Two weeks.
Okay, month.

I've been working full time (almost)-- but haven't seen the money from it yet-- I've been sick three-- no, four!-- times, and I'm more broke than I have been in years, really. Even my credit cards are maxed right now, and I promised myself that would never happen.
But it's been my fault.

The money part anyway. When I'm stressed I don't want to cook so I buy food, when I'm depressed I don't want to mope so I shop. Not a good mixture this month.

I live in a nice apartment. In a nice complex. That should be nice.
But, of course, it's not. I'm too busy, stressed, or depressed to keep it clean, decorate it, out just generally make it nice.
I come home, I plop down on the couch or bed, I eat, and I leave my messes everywhere.
 Recently I've been shaking off the excess stress and melancholy that came along with working a job I didn't like for not nearly enough money or sleep, and wanted to fix this problem. Knowing the term is almost over gives me just enough of a boost to get one or two productive things done per day.

Recently, in a spurt of desperation I went to the store and maxed out my credit card (i know, bad idea) on affordable carpets, bed risers, under bed bins, new sheets, and some decor.   ((to be fair, I only spent about $50 and i got all that stuff!))

I got to work making my bed taller, storing unneeded items underneath (and clothes, actually), and pretty-ing up my bedroom.

Oddly enough, the finale didn't come until I used things I already had.
I tacked up some muslin for a makeshift headboard, then dug through my holiday boxes for some makeshift fairy lights. Add in a few old candles I don't use enough, and voila.

The result?
A bedroom I actually am proud to be in, and happy to sleep in.

Sunday, May 26

Beautiful Violin

This is my new workout music.
I need to learn some pretty form of martial arts/dance to go with it...

Friday, May 24

Any love that is love...

So often we worry too much about who our children and friends and families are loving, when we should be worrying about how they're loving.

Is their love deep?
Is their love safe?
Is their love happy?

We forget that these are the important things, even for ourselves.
Who doesn't matter quite as much as how

If their lover returns their affection as deeply, treats them safely, and makes them happy, then why why why does anything else in the world-- their class, their skin color, their race, their sex-- why does anything else matter?

If your lover loves you deeply, treats you safely, and makes you happy, then why be afraid? Why be angry? Why let the little things get in the way?

Sunday, May 19

Guess what !

I'm sick again.
I'm pretty sure that s the sixth or seventh time since the new year.
For starters, I will never be a teacher again. Ever.
Having said that, however, the good news is that while I'm in bed recouping tomorrow instead of working and making it worse, I may have enough brain power left to get some posts done.
Here's done topics that should be coming soon;
Luxurious life 1 &2
Music videos I adore (again)
See you soon!

Friday, May 3

Can't Explain It

I can't explain to him the empty rage like spiders crawling under my skin, whirlwind flames spinning through my brain and cutting off any sane, logical thought process. I can't explain to him the blind fury, desperate and alone but determined and proud. Don't want Don't need I'm fine.
Fingers clench, aching to reach out, to find a strength of will and understanding that isn't there to grasp.
I can't explain to him the knots in my chest, tight and choking, rising up my throat; a scream begging to happen. No reason No purpose I'm fine.
I can't explain to him why I hate him sometimes. That it isn't really him, it's me. The little things he does and forgets bug me, but the extent to which my body reacts makes me furious, my brain lashing out at itself, and him, because he's near.
I can't explain the urge to scream, scratch my eyes out, cry, or pull my hair from my scalp

Oh, it's real enough in my head.
Like a banshee tearing through me.
But the logical part of me knows it's insignificant. That something inside me is taking this miniscule thing, whatever it is, and inflating it, taunting it, urging it on and making it grow into monstrous proportions, throwing my hormones into an emotional frenzy where nothing in the world is GOOD ENOUGH.
and I can't
explain it
to him.

Wednesday, April 24

Loving Anais

Still reading the wonderful Diary of Anais Nin. As such, here are my favorite quotes for the 2nd ...eighth? of the book! These selections aren't so much inspiring as they are beautiful writing (to me).

On a side note; I believe this is post #200!!!!! 
I am excite.
From, The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume 1. Pages 47-105

"I was upset as a child to discover that we only had one life."

"[She has] increased the dose of love as the poor addict increases his dose of drugs."

"...they grappled body to body, breath to breath, tongue against tongue, as if to enclose, enmesh, imprison once and forever..."

"I could not life any longer in an empty world. I must have much to love, much to hate, much to grapple with."

"Again and again I return to poetry."

"Anger incites him: fuels him. Anger poisons me."

"...[she] stopped them an angry way which revealed her love of me. As i f I were sacred."

"To destroy is easy."

"I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience, and creation."

"He wills the whole world to fire and floods..."

"Today I feel my past like an unbearable weight..."

"To me the truth is something which cannot be told in a few words... those who simplify the universe only reduce the expansion of its meaning."

"I could already see how contagious a full life can be."

"I keep a kind of shell around me, because I want to be loved."

" I cover all this up with understanding, wisdom, interest in others, with my mind's agility, with my writing... I cover the woman up, to reveal only the artist, the confessor..."

"I want my Dionysian life, drunkenness and passion and chaos; and yet here I am, sitting at a kitchen table and working..."

"For this is the moment when I relive my life in terms of a dream, a myth, an endless story."

"I have constructed a style, a manner, affable, gay, charming, and within this I am hidden."

"He gets drunk on words."

"The old pattern of my life is shattered."

 "To be unhappy is not a sign of weakness"

"I have never seen anyone so withered from within, so dead in life."

" initial shock has shattered my wholeness, that I am like a shattered mirror. Each piece has gone off and developed a life."

"...writing, for me, is an expanded world, a limitless world, containing all."

"Her love was brave and virile."

"The room feels heavy and deeply anchored in the earth."

"Enter this laboratory of the soul where incidents are refracted into a diary, dissected to prove that everyone of us carries a deforming mirror where he sees himself too small or too large, too fat or too thin... Enter here where one discovers that destiny can be directed... Once the deforming mirror is smashed, there is a possibility of wholeness; there is a possibility of joy."

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