Wednesday, April 28

A Quote of Suffer

There was a line in Doctor Who were Sarah Jane says that "some things are worth getting your heart broken". I've always loved that, despite how horribly sad it really is at it's base.

Life is a little upside down and inside out right now.
I always used to want to be one of those things. Worth someone's heartbreak.
I don't think I am.
But it seems I'm doing it anyway.

How would Weetzie know when she had what she wanted?
A house, boyfriends, a baby, these are all physical things. Not easily gotten, but physical; obvious, in a way.
What about the more complicated things?
What about you?

Monday, April 26

Pasta Love

Puttanesca - Michael Heffernan

Before I gave up wondering why everything
was a lot of nothing worth losing or getting back,
I took out a jar of olives, a bottle of capers,
a container of leftover tomato sauce with onions,
put a generous portion of each in olive oil
just hot enough but not too hot,
along with some minced garlic and a whole can of anchovies,
until the mixture smelled like a streetwalker's sweat,
then emptied it onto a half pound of penne, beautifully al dente,
under a heap of grated pecorino romano
in a wide bowl sprinkled with fresh chopped parsley.
If you had been there, I would have given you half,
and asked you whether its heavenly bitterness
made you remember anything you had once loved.

this makes me happy...and is something i'd like to make...
found HERE

Saturday, April 24


I don't know how to not be so angry and frustrated and miserable.

I want to be in New York.
And disappear
into the faces
and the tastes
and the noise.
never come back.

Tuesday, April 20

A Note

We order coffee. His black, mine milky and sweet with vanilla cream. We stare out the window, watching  people waiting for the early bus. A woman with a little girl eating cereal out of plastic tupperware. A shaggy haired man with burnt skin clutching a plastic bag.
I watch steam rise from his cup, and swirl the smooth liquid in mine. His green eyes are empty as a pair of children run past the window. 
I wonder what he's thinking but am too afraid to ask. 
I want to touch his hand where it lays beside his cup. Fingers bent, one nail lightly scratching the cheap table in small circles. I watch it's path, squeezing my hands in to fists to keep from reaching out, to keep from letting myself know what it would feel like to have my skin against his.

Saturday, April 17

Nikki in the Sun

Today's HTBH accomplishment: "Go out in the backyard or park on a sunny day and lay down on the grass and watch the sky. "

From an early morning skate to the International Festival on campus to an impromptu visit from my Dad which led to ceviche tacos, a used bookstore, and a Korean BBQ buffet, today was a good day.

My dad continues to bother me about working harder towards being a writer. Did you know that once you've received payment for three pieces of work (I assume literary pieces) you can officially consider yourself a writer? I've been considering a MFA program in creative writing, but I rarely feel like a writer any more, and I'm really sick of school, so I'm not sure I want to bother.

But now, occasionally, you'll see little things like this here, my short writing practices:

For her birthday, Nikki wanted a pony. She wanted a black pony, a pink electric scooter, and a pair of blue and purple Riedell quad roller skates.
On her birthday, she got a yellow sundress Barbie with pink sandals named Jenna.
Nikki smiled thankfully, then stomped around the house, ripping her three photocopied wish lists off of their Bike Rally magnets.
With her her hopes balled up in the trash, she grabbed a bottle of paint and a shallow glass, and trudged up the stairs to dye Jenna's hair blue.

Reason? None. Just a short bit of nothing to get me back into the habit of writing.

For the record, Korean cinnamon tea is one of the most delicious things in the whole world.
I also want to get dark henna tattoos every day. I love them.


Sunday, April 11

Whimzy Lunch

Today's HTBH accomplishment: Cook something new and exotic and delicious.  

It's taken me a while, but I'm finally been remembering what I love about fresh food.

Dan and I have been eating out A LOT lately, and I always feel so guilty about it because it's such a waste of money (yesterday, however, was the exception, with amazing Ethiopian food in Chapel Hill). Once upon a time I'd rather cook than go out to eat, but that doesn't apply so much anymore, and leaves me feeling dingy and lazy and wasteful.

Today I made that feeling go away.
I don't typically like chronicling days because it pressumes that anyone gives a shit about what I did today, but I think this morning has qualified as a bit of a Weetzie-en day.

I woke up a bit late (10:30) and immediately got dressed and finished mowing the lawn, because I promised Dan I would. After watering the garden-- which is doing much better-- I realized how hungry I was.

I felt like I had absolutely nothing to make, and had considered ordering Chinese, but forced myself to put it on the stove.

Yesterday's trip to Chapel Hill for Ethiopian also involved a trip to Trader Joes (always HAVE to go there when we're in town), where I let myself splurge on a whole bagful of high quality yet affordable numminess, from garlic stuffed olives to balsamic vinegar, two different kinds of brie to dried mediterranian fruit to a boxed Soba Noodle kit, as well as some Newton's Folly hard cider, mixed spring greens ($1.99!) and baby bella mushrooms, to smoked oysters and kumquats (never had them, have NO idea what to do with them) and more!
I love how affordable everything is despite it being primarily "organic"/otherwise high quality foods. You don't get that kind of thing here in Greensboro. When I go to Earthfare (which I never do) I have to expect to pay a LOT of money for very few things.

So...what did I have to cook? No idea, really, because the stuff I bought was just extra little things I wanted but hadn't thought of cooking. But after a bit of consideration, I made up the following meal:

Cremini mushroom and rice soup with 1/2 Smoked Salmon sandwich with Spring Greens and Brie

To me, it sounds like something you'd order at a bistro, but as I was making it up, it came out incredibly simple. Makes about one serving (just add more stuff to make more!)
Here's what I used (measurements aren't exact AT ALL because I never pay attention to how much of something I'm using):

1/2 cup rice
~4 Cremini (baby portabella) mushrooms  -- you can really use any kind of mushroom you want
~3 cups chicken broth   -- i used awesome and affordable "free-range", "low-cal" broth from TJs. Vegetable broth would be a great way to make it fully vegetarian.

1 Garlic clove, chopped
salt & pepper
Baby arugula    -- optional-- this i snatched out of my seedling bed at the last minute because I was desperate for something green. Only had like 6 or 7 teeny tiny leaves, but it added a bit of spice. Don't worry if you don't have any.

--Cook rice first in water or chicken broth (i really don't know how to make rice, i just put in about twice as much liquid [water and broth], let it boil, then brought it down to medium low heat and left it.) Don't worry about it being fully cooked because it'll finish up while you're making the soup.
--Add more chicken broth and the chopped garlic, then raise heat to medium.
--Slice up about 2 of your mushrooms, and chop up the rest, add to soup, leaving a few slices to garnish if you want. Let simmer.
--Once you know the rice is fully cooked, add arugula, lightly chopped, and lower temperature to about medium-low. Ready to Serve.


Smoked Salmon  -- I used the "Lox Bits" that they sell at Harris Teeter in little plastic boxes, it might sound scary, but its as good as the actual brand but it's a smaller amount, is cut into small pieces (I assume it's what's left after the package it?) and costs less than $2.
~1 tbl Brie   -- could really use any smooth, soft cheese. Traditionally lox is eaten with cream cheese, but a light goat cheese, or anything like muenster or havarti would probably work too.
~1/2 cup Spring Greens
Bread of Choice -- I used a corner of Ciabatta that I bought for Dan yesterday.

-Spread cheese on bottom slice of bread (or both slices if you really like it)
-Layer salmon and mixed greens on top.
-Close sandwich and squish down slightly so the toppings stick to the cheese.

Simple and delicious, made with mostly fresh ingredients and super healthy!!

One thing I've learned from today is how important it is to have ingredients you love around whenever possible. It's inspiring and it allows you to make simple things amazing.

Now, I feel like some champagne...

Go on, make something.

Sunday, April 4

April Weather brings....?

I really want to do this blog, but currently feel completely uninspired.

We didn't get the house we ***really really*** wanted, and so we're still stuck here.

The potential good news, though, is Roller Derby.
  I'll let you know how it goes...

I'm too busy reading and writing for class to really read anything that I want to read (ie FLB), and I haven't written anything I actually wanted to write in over six months.

I want to be out of here and out of school, but no luck. So what do I do now?

What would Weetzie do?

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