Sunday, December 7
Friday, December 5
Friday, November 28
Just kidding. I write about me all the time.
But I want to do a little "plug" for my new writing endeavors on JukePop.com
JukePop is a really interesting site made for readers and indie writers to connect and develop working relationships via serialized updates of the writer's work.
So, a writer begins their novel on the site, posting one chapter at a time, and updates periodically -- often or sporadically -- so that readers can follow them, read each serialized chapter, and offer opinions, praise, critiques, questions, etc. Readers can also donate to the writer, as well as encourage and promote their favorite stories.
I love the concept, and I really hope the site grows and gains more dedicated readers and followers.
|the generic Romance cover|
My poetry baby, inspired by the works of YA authors like (of course) Francesca Lia Block, Ellen Hopkins, etc. -- Poison In Her Blood (which is the newest working title)
My writing obsession of the year, The Life We Didn't Live. A fantasy-woven romance inspired by the craziest dream that I could just never forget.
Thursday, November 13
this was supposed to have been posted early this past summer. i was having trouble with my depression and couldn't get into the me i wanted to be and how i wanted to be living my life. this is the short post i wrote then trying to describe the feeling.
Despite its name, Lana Del Rey's song doesn't seem to be about sadness at all.
"I'm feelin electric tonight"
"I'm feeling alive!"
"I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere, nothin scared me anymore"
None of these lines scream misery to me. Instead they bathe in the summer sun and feel full and bright and alive dancing amongst drum circles and bon fires on the beach.
The song feels like it's thrumming with energy. With life.
But with the heat of the summer sun, the bright days and warm night's and heavy storms and cool breezes, I still can't connect to it.
I've known for a while that my depression hits hardest in the summer. I've never really figured out why, but it's there.
Maybe it's that I'm surrounded by people that don't understand what that feels like; feeling so full of light and life and potential, like your skin is singing. They aren't as active or creative or desperate to move as I am, and that knowledge has stunted me- makes me not want to go through the effort of forcing myself to do things on my own or convincing others to join in, not to mention coming up with the plans/activities themselves all on my own every single time.
I'm not sure what, exactly, has been keeping me away from this site.
I've been busy, yes, and a lot of my online life has suffered and slipped away because of it. I've been working more to get in lots of hours and get out of debt, I'm been "adult-ing" more (i had to get insurance, buy a car, figure out my credit cards, etc.), while there's also been NaNoWriMo, of course, and I've been surprisingly social lately, which is cool, but tiring, and I'm slowly but surely realizing that I absolutely have to get to the gym and fix my diet or I'm going to get to the point-of-no-return in my weight-gain, which has been on my mind a lot. I'm certainly nowhere near heavy or anything now, but I'm Puerto Rican; once too many pounds add up, they're not comin back off.
But my NaNo book is coming along pretty well (I cheated a little by continuing a story I've been thinking about for a long time) and with the exception of being sick today and having to give away a shift saturday, I'm getting enough hours at work that I just might be able to pay both my new car payment and my rent this month. We'll see.
But this blog.
This blog is my love child, and continues to weave in and out of obsession territory.
I still have chunks of blog posts and character profiles and inspirational people and food breakdowns of books and details on other awesome blogs in my Drafts pile, just waiting to be finished and put out into the world via this site!
But I keep getting lazy. I keep forgetting.
I keep being tired and bored and miserable and lame.
I'm working on all the articles I can think of right now, and -- more importantly -- The next time you want a post (if there's anybody out there, that is) or want to write one for the blog yourself (i love guest posts!) please please email me!
I aim to please and I want this blog to thrive again!!!!
Saturday, June 7
It was pretty much just me blabbing about how much I love her music.
But really, at the time, what I loved was how it made me feel. Like soft breezes and summer skies and being by the pool or driving with the windows down in the warm sunlight.
And at that time, I wanted nothing more than the summer.
So while I've searched for artists like Lana (spoiler: I haven't found one) I've started looking for music that makes me think of hanging out in the summer time in one way or another.
After a few suggestion requests on Facebook and the like, I so far have this playlist of about 75 songs.
I want to play it while lounging by the pool, driving through the middle of nowhere, and drinking outside on warm nights.
I call it my Summer Life Affair list, because this year I want to have a love affair over the summer. But instead of a person or place, it's me, my world, my life. I want nothing more, this summer, than to fall back in love with my life.
I'm desperate for it.
Wednesday, June 4
A few months back, a friend of mine came out to me as Transgender.
We hadn't been all that close, but after that-- as I was the only one he'd told (which made me feel quite special and want to be as helpful and supportive as possible) -- we spent more time together. He talked about his problems with his medications, his changing body (and thoughts) and the troubles he had thinking about coming out to everyone else-- particularly his girlfriend.
A story from Girl Goddess #9, it has always been one of my favorites. It's sweet and beautiful and delicate and even surprising.
I immediately dug out my copy of the book and thrust it at him, thinking of his life and his girlfriend and the person (woman) he wanted to be.
This is a description of the book from oneteenstory.tumblr.com :
I absolutely love this story, and if you've ever read it and don't love it, you must not have a soul. Seriously. Get that checked out.
But it took him another month to actually read it.
It sat on his bookshelf as he did other things, and I continued to bug him about reading it every time I was at his apartment.
"It's like this big!" I said, squishing my fingers close together, "It'll take you like an hour! Not even! The story alone won't even take you twenty minutes!"
But he put it off and off.
Finally we came to some stupid deal. If I played some game on my phone that he was obsessing over, he'd read the story.
Done and Done.
Later that night, my phone rings, and all he can say is how amazing the story was.
"I know, right!!" I squealed. I can't even explain how happy I was that he'd liked it.
And he did. He found connections to it all over the place, and read it over and over again. I think he even said he cried.
The next night he came over so we could sit outside, drink sweet wine, and talk about it. He was still reading it again and again. He even ordered himself a copy of the book-- just for that one story!-- not long after.
And why wouldn't she be? She has this entire new place, new job, new life, new person to explore and experience and discover!
It's very rare that someone who I've lent a book to actually reads it, which I think is a shame. I'm good at recommendations. I don't suggest someone read a book because I like it, I suggest a book because I think they'll like it. My recommendations are tailor-made, and yet I've lost a lot of books to people who borrowed one but never actually opened it up to read it, thus never becoming interested. It's a shame.
But he read this one, and he loved it, and I can't tell you how thrilled I was with that fact.
When he first came out to me, he was so nervous. He said he thought I was the most open person he knew, and that I'd understand.
I did. Of course I did!
I've never been there. I've never been in his position, but I was excited and happy for him, and worried about all his problems and wanted to be there for him. And I'd like to think I was, until she got that fantastic job and moved across the country.
Which, by the way, I am extremely jealous of, and will probably end up on her doorstep one day, having spent all my money on a plane trip, and insist on a giant tour of the wonderful city.
But throughout his (her) transition, she always felt alone. Our town is pretty queer-friendly, in that there is definitely a gay community, and the colleges have gay events, and sometimes you'll see related things about queer culture on flyers or ads. But even then, she was still the outsider. Among the new queer friends she'd made, none of them were Male to Female. So many were Female -> Male, but M->F is apparently as rare as a unicorn around here.
And she felt ostracized. Even among the gay community, she felt looked down on as a Transgender person. People even asked "Why can't you just be gay?"
When she did find people who were as open and friendly as she was, she thrilled in it, but still felt lonely that she was still the only M->F that she knew outside of the internet.
Now she seems to have a cozy network, which makes me really happy for him.
We can't go through life-- especially these difficult, life-changing moments in life-- feeling so completely alone and/or misunderstood.
I tried to always be there for him, but at the most basic level, I couldn't really relate to what he was going through.
Why do we do this to people?
Why do we make others feel so alone or unnatural because they are different?
In a perfect world everyone could be what they wanted. As long as no one is hurt by your choices, there's no reason for you to not be who you want to be. To not love who you want to love.
The idea that anyone is a lesser person is actually, frankly, the most heartless opinion that I can imagine. There is no hierarchy of people.
It doesn't go; straight married people on top, then straight unmarried people, gay people, bi people, trans people. Would intersexed people even get to be in the list? Single mothers? And where does that put all of the rest of the "alternatives"?
There is no such scale. There should never be such a scale.
How can anyone truly, deeply feel that one type of human being is better than another?
How can anyone not think that having that opinion makes them a terrible, cruel person?
People are people
love is love.
Who the fuck are we (the general we as a society) to tell someone they can't do the harmless thing that makes them happy?
Thursday, February 20
I love the 40s, L.A., Gangster's Girl, Sexy, Hip-hop, Lolita vibe so many of her songs have that makes you want to dance and sway and drive under bright, shimmering California skies.
Her sound is singular, in that I've spent the last few weeks trying to find someone with similar songs or that makes me feel the same way, and I just can't manage it. I've listened to a lot of recommendations, and artists she attributes as inspiration, but still... not the same.
Husky sometimes, deep and soulful others, then light and airy and whimsical.
Her songs sound like pop-hip-hop (Off To the Races), anthems (Born to Die), soul-searching melodies (Ride), lounge music (Body Electric) and James Bond themes (Million Dollar Man).
And her look is sensual and sexy and 1940's glam that I just can't get over. So what if her lips are done or she has a carefully selected make-up artist (which I'm assuming), that's her choice, and I assume she likes the way she looks, which is the whole point!
I have even found photos of her with blue hair, though I can never tell if they're real or photo-shopped. Still!
I read a review of her album, "Born to Die", that complained that too many of her songs re-used the same ideas and styles.
This is not the case with "Born to Die". Almost every song is jazzy, sensual, sexy, fun, and down-right amazing. In fact, the ones I'm not as big a fan of are the slow, purely romantic/sad songs like "Video Games", "Summertime Sadness", or "Young and Beautiful". Not saying I don't like those, but I definitely don't put them on repeat like others
Her real name is (was?) Lizzy Grant, and she was a would-be artist that just sort of fell through. When she couldn't make it, she disappeared, and later on Lana Rey Del Mar appeared, touting a huskier, darker voice, a very rich image, and a new sound. Rey's success didn't take long, but when fans realized the connections, people lashed out at her for faking who she is. Again, i disagree here. So she's not actually Lana Del Rey? I love the character she's created and the persona, even if it's not a real person. It doesn't make her music less beautiful or sexy or fun.
But there are other critiques of her work that I relate to, such as this (well-earned) rant about the video for "Ride" which points out the big flaws in the [very very pretty] music video-- particularly, its glorification of the character's (Lana's) dependence on the men in her sad life, and her complete abandonment of self in favor of their company and support. It touts the idea of independence and freedom, but always seems to be centered around the men she seems to give herself up to.
|How Weetzie (and yet still culturally incorrect/rude) is this scene??|
Does that detract from the inspiration and vibe I find in her?
She's flawed and some of her ideas are flawed, but that makes her much more of a down-to-earth icon that I kind of appreciate. We all do stupid things and hop onto wrong bandwagons. Look at Weetzie's use of Native culture in Weetzie Bat. Do we like Weetzie, or FLB books, less because of these instances? No. It's important to understand and acknowledge the problems in our heroes and inspiration, and learn and seek to not repeat those flaws, but not having them at all...? There's no such person.
Learn from your inspiration's flaws. Be better than them!
Back to the point.
My favorite songs::
Off to the Races
Born to Die
Million Dollar Man
This is What Makes us Girls
Friday, January 3
Coming out this Sunday! My first novel!
I can't wait! I'm sorely excited to have this out in the world. If it's at all successful, I'm hoping to make actual prints next year. For now, cheek out the ebook!
"A Study in Steel", a new cyberpunk noir by Eliana Vale at Smashwords!
Vera is a Search Engine; a private investigator driven to find the truth in a world of machines. When her client is murdered, she finds herself caught up in the sordid history of her city's past, and those trying to survive within it.
Check it out, and email me for a coupon code to get yours!