Wednesday, November 15

Catching Up



On this blog's origins:

I created this blog for the reason I've found many people make zines: to get my passion and frustration out onto a "page" and put something out into the world I wished existed already. In this case, what I wanted it to be was just a curated collection (and ideally source) of inspiration, centered on the things I felt were missing so much in my life -- happiness, beauty, community, stability -- and the places I looked for help.
The books and authors that inspired me to be a better writer or person. The characters I emulated and found hope in. The stupid, whimsical shit I did to get myself through depression. This didn't always lead to great content, but for me it was a tool to create something, and to get out all the things in my head.
Maybe it worked, maybe it didn't.
I sometimes imagine putting it all into a zine, calling it the Diaries of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

But things don't stop till they stop for good, and all those coping mechanisms could only get me so far.
After college my life sort of stopped moving forward. By 2014, I needed change. In 2015 we moved to Portland, and it was a wild, challenging year. 2016 was the fucking worst, right? -- mine in particular filled mostly with stress, poverty, and isolation -- leading to a 2017 that has been like a punch-in-the-gut roller-coaster of anxiety, depression, progress, and optimism, as I deal with the fallout of my choices and figure out how to get all the pieces stacked the way I want (now that I have a few pieces, that is). I have a solid job that encourages me to try harder and grow along with it, and I make about as much money as I owe each month, for the first time ever.
I've also developed quite a new.... sense of self -- that is to say... I smoke a lot of pot now, and I've spent a shit ton of time just thinking about and figuring out myself. More on that and cannabis later, though, because it's actually really important.

On that note, I really want to update this blog enough to reflect the changes in my perspective over the last few years. I want to share what I've learned and the empowerment I've found in the last few years, and reflect on how my experiences were shaped. So no matter what the ultimate destiny is for this site, I plan to post regularly and keep this updated for at least 6 months, then go from there.
So, things I want to share:
My coming to terms with my identity.
My realizations of manipulative behavior in myself, & related efforts.
The ups & downs & isolation of moving across the country.
Some random obsessions I've had.
Some projects I've been working on.
In keeping with this blog's theme, I will eventually gladly gush about new Francesca Lia Block books. Beyond The Pale Motel was fucking beautiful -- a reflection of classic FLB style with heart-wrenching depth and emotional clarity i fell head over heels for. She also has a few new things im excited about, so more on all that later.
Id also like to go back to some basics in that area -- there are lots of books I never covered.



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