Thursday, November 13

Post Script :: Summertime Sadness

this was supposed to have been posted early this past summer. i was having trouble with my depression and couldn't get into the me i wanted to be and how i wanted to be living my life. this is the short post i wrote then trying to describe the feeling.

Despite its name, Lana Del Rey's song doesn't seem to be about sadness at all.

"I'm feelin electric tonight"
"I'm feeling alive!"
"I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere, nothin scared me anymore"

None of these lines scream misery to me. Instead they bathe in the summer sun and feel full and bright and alive dancing amongst drum circles and bon fires on the beach.
The song feels like it's thrumming with energy. With life.

But with the heat of the summer sun, the bright days and warm night's and heavy storms and cool breezes, I still can't connect to it.
I've known for a while that my depression hits hardest in the summer. I've never really figured out why, but it's there.
Maybe it's that I'm surrounded by people that don't understand what that feels like; feeling so full of light and life and potential, like your skin is singing. They aren't as active or creative or desperate to move as I am, and that knowledge has stunted me- makes me not want to go through the effort of forcing myself to do things on my own or convincing others to join in, not to mention coming up with the plans/activities themselves all on my own every single time.
posted from Bloggeroid

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