Friday, May 24

Any love that is love...

So often we worry too much about who our children and friends and families are loving, when we should be worrying about how they're loving.

Is their love deep?
Is their love safe?
Is their love happy?

We forget that these are the important things, even for ourselves.
Who doesn't matter quite as much as how

If their lover returns their affection as deeply, treats them safely, and makes them happy, then why why why does anything else in the world-- their class, their skin color, their race, their sex-- why does anything else matter?

If your lover loves you deeply, treats you safely, and makes you happy, then why be afraid? Why be angry? Why let the little things get in the way?

Sunday, May 19

Guess what !

I'm sick again.
I'm pretty sure that s the sixth or seventh time since the new year.
For starters, I will never be a teacher again. Ever.
Having said that, however, the good news is that while I'm in bed recouping tomorrow instead of working and making it worse, I may have enough brain power left to get some posts done.
Here's done topics that should be coming soon;
Health
Cleaning
Luxurious life 1 &2
Music videos I adore (again)
Love
See you soon!

Friday, May 3

Can't Explain It

I can't explain to him the empty rage like spiders crawling under my skin, whirlwind flames spinning through my brain and cutting off any sane, logical thought process. I can't explain to him the blind fury, desperate and alone but determined and proud. Don't want Don't need I'm fine.
Fingers clench, aching to reach out, to find a strength of will and understanding that isn't there to grasp.
I can't explain to him the knots in my chest, tight and choking, rising up my throat; a scream begging to happen. No reason No purpose I'm fine.
I can't explain to him why I hate him sometimes. That it isn't really him, it's me. The little things he does and forgets bug me, but the extent to which my body reacts makes me furious, my brain lashing out at itself, and him, because he's near.
I can't explain the urge to scream, scratch my eyes out, cry, or pull my hair from my scalp
for
no
real
reason.

Oh, it's real enough in my head.
Like a banshee tearing through me.
But the logical part of me knows it's insignificant. That something inside me is taking this miniscule thing, whatever it is, and inflating it, taunting it, urging it on and making it grow into monstrous proportions, throwing my hormones into an emotional frenzy where nothing in the world is GOOD ENOUGH.
and I can't
explain it
to him.

Wednesday, April 24

Loving Anais

Still reading the wonderful Diary of Anais Nin. As such, here are my favorite quotes for the 2nd ...eighth? of the book! These selections aren't so much inspiring as they are beautiful writing (to me).

On a side note; I believe this is post #200!!!!! 
I am excite.
 
From, The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume 1. Pages 47-105

"I was upset as a child to discover that we only had one life."

"[She has] increased the dose of love as the poor addict increases his dose of drugs."

"...they grappled body to body, breath to breath, tongue against tongue, as if to enclose, enmesh, imprison once and forever..."

"I could not life any longer in an empty world. I must have much to love, much to hate, much to grapple with."

"Again and again I return to poetry."

"Anger incites him: fuels him. Anger poisons me."

"...[she] stopped them an angry way which revealed her love of me. As i f I were sacred."

"To destroy is easy."

"I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience, and creation."

"He wills the whole world to fire and floods..."

"Today I feel my past like an unbearable weight..."

"To me the truth is something which cannot be told in a few words... those who simplify the universe only reduce the expansion of its meaning."

"I could already see how contagious a full life can be."

"I keep a kind of shell around me, because I want to be loved."

"...so I cover all this up with understanding, wisdom, interest in others, with my mind's agility, with my writing... I cover the woman up, to reveal only the artist, the confessor..."

"I want my Dionysian life, drunkenness and passion and chaos; and yet here I am, sitting at a kitchen table and working..."

"For this is the moment when I relive my life in terms of a dream, a myth, an endless story."

"I have constructed a style, a manner, affable, gay, charming, and within this I am hidden."

"He gets drunk on words."

"The old pattern of my life is shattered."

 "To be unhappy is not a sign of weakness"

"I have never seen anyone so withered from within, so dead in life."

"...an initial shock has shattered my wholeness, that I am like a shattered mirror. Each piece has gone off and developed a life."

"...writing, for me, is an expanded world, a limitless world, containing all."

"Her love was brave and virile."

"The room feels heavy and deeply anchored in the earth."

"Enter this laboratory of the soul where incidents are refracted into a diary, dissected to prove that everyone of us carries a deforming mirror where he sees himself too small or too large, too fat or too thin... Enter here where one discovers that destiny can be directed... Once the deforming mirror is smashed, there is a possibility of wholeness; there is a possibility of joy."

Monday, April 22

Retail Therapy :: Starry Night

Starry Night





Was having a bad day last week; said yes to a job I really didn't feel like I could handle.
So what do I do?
$55 of retail therapy (please don't think i'm a shopper; i really couldn't afford this) on Love Culture.
This outfit (sans the jewelry, which I already own) will be here Wednesday. 
I
cannot
wait.
It will be on my body Thursday morning,
and you will have to pry this shit off of me come the weekend.

Saturday, April 20

Ze Inspiration

I don't think I've ever posted this before, so it's important for me to get it done.
Everyone creative, everyone who wants life and love and fun (and success), should see this.

Invocation
by Ze Frank


Thursday, April 18

Things I Love Thursday :: Miss Mena

Things I Love Thursday

A theme this week!!! ::

Maria Mena






The sound quality on these videos isn't great; it's like they just used the cd recordings and played them over the video, instead of recording for the video. But still. 



While not my favorite Maria Mena songs, these are some of the prettiest (with videos).




And finally, to pick you up when you're down...