Word of the Day

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

What It Feels Like to Leave My World Behind

I never question my wanderlust. That sudden need when I glance out of the window and see the sunlight and just need to go. To walk and run and drive and move.

This has led to picnics and sudden hikes, and occasional big trips. But more often than not – lately – jobs, laziness, student loans and chronic depression have put my traveling urges in their place.

So it's not very often that I indulge that desire anymore. Maybe what I'm about to say is really the overdue result of suppressing my internal need to wander for too long.

This weekend, I'm moving across the country.

This is not an exaggeration. My tiny family (my husband-to-be and two dogs) is packing up and driving from North Carolina to Portland.

Across the country.

Across. The. Country.

Before you ask: No.

No, I do not have a job waiting for me in Oregon.

I do not have family there.

My husband does not have a job, nor family, there.

There is no emergency or best friend waiting for us there.

And no, we've never been there.

But this week we are eloping, packing up our dogs, selling our shit, and driving across the country because we can.

Because North Carolina is too small, too southern, too religious, too traditional, too boring for us. Because Portland, Oregon is the food capitol of the world and there are few things we enjoy more than endless varieties of fun, delicious, authentic foods. Because I've been out of college for four years and still work at Old-fucking-Navy, and I'm never going to find a real job here, and his job can go anywhere, so why the hell not. Because even with all the hipsters, neck beards, and plaid, Portland feels like it could be us. Because manifest destiny. Because we don't have kids or commitments or anything to force us to stay here, so why stay? Because why not go on a crazy cross-country trip with two dogs in a tiny marshmallow car and start over completely fresh and new in a place that looks fantastic? Because life is short and the world is big and there is so much to do!

For the last week, the thought creeps up on me in the middle of the night of all the things we'll be leaving behind. It's a hollow pit opening up in my stomach to snap at me from the inside.

We're leaving our family here on the east coast, and 99% of our friends.

We are, in a very real sense, leaving our world behind. We are heading straight towards the unknown like a very hungry, terrified bullet train filled with comic books and puppies and maxed out credit cards.

This could be a huge mistake. Or it could be the best decision of our lives. Or... it could just be a really cool trip. I try to keep my mind on that possibility of complete normalcy. Maybe it will be just like any other move.

But what's pulling me back is the fear.

The long drive, the unpredictable weather, the strangers, the mountains, slippery roads, crazy drivers, medical emergencies. I'm a paranoid person. A trip this big is going to get to me. I'm still in the excited stage right now, but the night before the drive I'm going to be crying into my vacuum-packed pillow while I flip through Facebook photos of my life here.

Packing is hard for a move this big with so little money. I've packed the clothes I want to keep, the important little things, and I'm working hard to sell and give away everything else. But everything else are the things I use every day. Dishes, books, pillows, hair products, shelves. These things are scatter all over our studio, being used or waiting for someone to take. It's a mess and I don't think it's supposed to be like this.

It's somehow harder to pack things you don't want to keep than the things you love the most. Those were first. Favorite clothes, books, photos from the walls, small family heirlooms and both of our diplomas.

I bring home more and more boxes and try to categorize my life based on what I need and what I don't. What is important? What makes me happy? What is replaceable? What would I miss the most?

I told myself I'd spend more time with my family, while they're only an hour away and not three days. But I've only visited once. I'll see them once more to drop off a few things for storage, then again to celebrate my elopement. After that I will be sleeping on blankets on my apartment floor and waiting for the big day.

I've tried to see the friends I'll miss the most, but it's a weird time of year and everything's busy. But everyone promises to visit... as if we were only a day-trip away.

This – here – is my world. I'm leaving it behind. On purpose.

Who does that?

Right; I do.

I kind of have to keep reminding myself of that.

I do this.

I want to, and I am.

I force myself to take deep breathes and fight the urge to crawl into a ball under a pile of blankets. I really need to pack those.

I remind myself that I'm setting out on this journey because I want change. I want to live my simple, plain life somewhere that excites me. I don't want to just live where I live, I want to love where I live.

So I'm doing this. I feel it in my gut and in the tingling of my fingertips.

I feel my throat tighten and my nerves tremble, but I also feel my blood rush and my heart practical leap from my chest. Jack Kerouac said “the road is life.” I'm ready to live.

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

Interview with a Girl Goddess

I'm so, so excited to have this Q & A with Francesca Lia Block.

The last few questions are my favorite, and her answers are beautiful. I'm honored to have had this opportunity.

If you don't know what this is, read my quick Intro!

About Her Self

Ellie (me) : I've read a lot of things about the different kinds of work you do. What do you do in your spare time? Right now, I'm terribly obsessed with Almond croissants, Adventure Time, and the website JukePop; Do you have any crazy guilty pleasures?

via Instagram

Francesca : Let’s see…Vegan gluten free pizza, Ruben sandwiches and sushi rolls from Sage restaurant in Culver City, tarot readings from The Oracle of Los Angeles, black skinny jeans with pink metallic high top sneakers, Instagram (dangerousangelena) and Pinterest, collaborating on screenplays based on my work, (collaborating with Elgin James on Weetzie Bat screenplay and with Danishka Esterhazy on a short from The Rose And The Beast), dark faerie tales, The Principles Of Uncertainty by Maira Kalman, having pot luck dance parties at the faerie cottage after my writing workshops, my dog, Elphi, and my beautiful, amazing children. 

E : I know that you are a big supporter of equal, human rights, which is fantastic. Are there any other causes you feel particularly strong about? 

F : Human rights covers a lot of it, but I also feel strongly about caring for the environment.

via Instagram

E : It [was] Christmas-time! Any big plans for the winter solstice holidays? What kinds of things do you celebrate? 

F : We celebrate a little Hanukkah, a little Christmas and a little pagan solstice. I mostly stayed at home watching movies  with my kids and my dog. I also had a little party with fairy lights, Indian food and some of my favorite friends.  I don’t make resolutions but I do work hard on a daily basis to take care of myself and my children, be a loving, peaceful person, do my work.

E : I've heard your books described in a million different ways by you and your readers -- almost always on point! -- but how would you describe yourself? Your life?

F : My life? Well, it’s been very rich. I’ve had a lot of joy and a lot of loss.  A lot of magic and a lot of reality.  Dark and light.  So I’m a magical realist.  A punk faerie.  A mom and a lover and a writer and a teacher/mentor and a yogi and a dancer in my heart.  Love is my guide. 

About The Craft

E : What do you love about writing, and your writing career as a whole? Do you wish you'd done anything differently in your life, writing, or career?

Weetzie Bat Tee

F : I love being able to express my feelings in my work; it’s very cathartic.  And I love sharing my work with others.  I’ve made so many friends through my writing.  When I’ve reached out via social media (for readers, students, filmmakers or models for my T-shirt line) I’ve received responses from the most creative and wonderful people I could imagine.I do wish I’d gotten my MFA when I was younger but when I was coming in as a writer it wasn’t as essential in terms of getting published.Plus, I was very lucky to get published early and needed to focus on my writing at that time. But I’ve learned a lot from writing and especially from teaching, which I also love. I was fortunate to have a family who supported my work but I find that most of my students didn’t have that  (usually  parents understandably want security for their children) so I try to be that support for them.

E : As someone who's been in the industry for over two decades, what are a few aspects of the modern publishing world that you have had trouble with or wish were different? Have things changed for the better or worse since you started writing?

F : Things have become much more difficult. It’s very hard to get book deals these days.

The one good thing is that people can self publish and self promote using social media so it allows for more creativity in that sense, and more community. but to self publish successfully you need a strong following.
I recommend that writers who are considering self publishing start a blog and find unique ways to market themselves before they put out a book. 

via goodreads.com

E : One of the things I've always loved about your work is that so many of the important, complicated things in life are seen in a beautiful, magical way, but still so realistically complex. The relationships in The Elementals and Echo come to mind right away. The romance in these books are often deep and magical, while still being grounded in the very common complexities of issues like trust, abuse, layers of sexuality, and struggles with self-identity. I -- and many of your readers, I'm sure-- connect to the problems and complex desires in these relationships on a very personal level.

If it's not too personal of a question; when you're writing about love and sex what experiences, hopes, and/or desires do you pull from to make such vibrant portraits?

F : It’s not too personal! I take everything from my life and add to it to make it an interesting story, which usually means increasing the tension and conflict and developing the arc of the characters.

E : A big draw for me when I first started really getting into your books was the beautiful excess of sensory descriptions. Food caught my attention a lot and I've even made blog posts just about the types of food in each book. But all of the descriptions of sights, smells, and tastes are really fantastic and pull the reader into your worlds in very unique ways. Is that writing style -- so lush and sense-driven -- very intentional? Or is it more organic, happening pretty naturally as you write?

F : I tend to write in a sensory way naturally but in rewriting I always try to add more evocative moments.  I love using scent because that is the sense closest to the memory center of the brain and is perhaps the most affecting.

E : Writer's "blocks" and lack of motivation can be problems common to all artistic people. Do you ever have trouble motivating yourself to keep up with your work? How do you, personally, navigate problems like that? Do you have any ritual/process to encourage yourself?

via Facebook

F : I never use the term, because of my last name. If I don’t feel able to write I read, re-write or  try to fill up on art and music and film  for inspiration. I also talk to my writer friends for ideas.

E : I wrote a piece a while back about a friend I lent my copy of Girl Goddess #9 to. I forced him (now her) to read "Dragons in Manhattan" because it reminded me of him. He read it and felt it and loved it -- couldn't stop talking about it and how it made him feel. I never got that book back, now that I think of it...

And I've read plenty of stories from readers who connected deeply with the issues of sexuality in Baby-BeBop, among many other works.

I'm sure many fans come up to you with stories of how your books changed or affected their lives. Have you ever had a reader's story really affect you in return? Do you have any favorites?

F : That’s a pretty great one right there. The most touching stories have to do with readers who say that my writing helped them through some personal crisis—eating disorders, self harm, heart break, the death of a loved one.  I get these messages fairly often and I’m so grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to help someone through my stories.

E : I just started a simple series of graphics defining beautiful words, to post over the course of the next month. I really love how fantastic and strong words can be and I have a few favorites. Do you have a favorite word to contribute?

F : When I was a little girl I used to look up synonyms for the word light all the time.

i had to make this up real quick, of course...

About Life 

E : My boyfriend and I are about to pack up and move across the country, which is huge and terrifying. What huge events or experiences, good or bad, are you the most thankful for in your life? Are there any life experiences you think everyone should go through at some point?

l.a. skyline

F : For me it was the birth of my children and the death of my mother. The most joyous and the most painful but they were both truly beautiful and encompassed what life means to me.

E : Do you remember what the very first thing you fell in love with about L.A. was?

houdini's mansion

F : The lemon tree outside my window. My dad playing the piano with my toes when I was a baby.  Pink skies.  The ocean. The wild canyons.  Houdini’s mansion. 

E : Finally, what do you hope for in your future? What would you like to see, create, do, or experience?
 
F : I would like to expand my business so  that I have a beautiful space to hold writing workshops and salons with live music. I want publish a fiction journal of my students’ work, design and sell merchandise related to our work and produce films.  I also want to travel and do retreats  all around the world.

Thank you so much to Francesca Lia Block for this awesome opportunity!!

I can't explain how much I appreciate getting to know my favorite author.

If you've never read FLB's books (which would be crazy, since you're here!) check out her work at FrancescaLiaBlock.com, and even check out her writing workshops (one day I will do this!).

happy reading,

stay lovely.

*images are hyper-linked to their original sources

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

Word of the Day

I made a big pile of these graphics of beautiful words (with an online program; I'm not that awesome) because I'm obsessed.
Words have power and should be known.
Please feel free to comment with your own favorite beautiful words for me to share!

Word of the Day 1.0

Style Icon :: Lana Del Rey

Lately I have had a terrifyingly sudden and intense addiction to everything Lana Del Rey. Her music -- which i listen to over and over again every day -- her style, her videos, her makeup -- which i attempt to emulate sometimes -- just... everything.

I love the 40s, L.A., Gangster's Girl, Sexy, Hip-hop, Lolita vibe so many of her songs have that makes you want to dance and sway and drive under bright, shimmering California skies.

Her sound is singular, in that I've spent the last few weeks trying to find someone with similar songs or that makes me feel the same way, and I just can't manage it. I've listened to a lot of recommendations, and artists she attributes as inspiration, but still... not the same.
Husky sometimes, deep and soulful others, then light and airy and whimsical.

Her songs sound like pop-hip-hop (Off To the Races), anthems (Born to Die), soul-searching melodies (Ride), lounge music (Body Electric) and James Bond themes (Million Dollar Man).


And her look is sensual and sexy and 1940's glam that I just can't get over. So what if her lips are done or she has a carefully selected make-up artist (which I'm assuming), that's her choice, and I assume she likes the way she looks, which is the whole point!
I have even found photos of her with blue hair, though I can never tell if they're real or photo-shopped. Still!


I read a review of her album, "Born to Die", that complained that too many of her songs re-used the same ideas and styles.

Personally, I love that. Really, really, love that. I hate it-- loathe it-- when I find a song I absolutely love, then get the artist's album only to find that it's the only song like it that they've ever done! The most noteworthy of these I can think of is Fiona Apple's "Paper Bag" which I had a very long love affair with a year or so back. But when I downloaded her discography (yes, I do that, but I support artists when I can, too) I couldn't find a single other track that was like that song. Yes, I like Fiona Apple's songs, but I looove that one, and it's the only one of its kind. That makes me sad.
This is not the case with "Born to Die". Almost every song is jazzy, sensual, sexy, fun, and down-right amazing. In fact, the ones I'm not as big a fan of are the slow, purely romantic/sad songs like "Video Games", "Summertime Sadness", or "Young and Beautiful". Not saying I don't like those, but I definitely don't put them on repeat like others

There's also complaints that Lana Del Rey isn't a real person. Her real name is (was?) Lizzy Grant, and she was a would-be artist that just sort of fell through. When she couldn't make it, she disappeared, and later on Lana Rey Del Mar appeared, touting a huskier, darker voice, a very rich image, and  a new sound. Rey's success didn't take long, but when fans realized the connections, people lashed out at her for faking who she is. Again, i disagree here. So she's not actually Lana Del Rey? I love the character she's created and the persona, even if it's not a real person. It doesn't make her music less beautiful or sexy or fun.

But there are other critiques of her work that I relate to, such as this (well-earned) rant about the video for "Ride" which points out the big flaws in the [very very pretty] music video-- particularly, its glorification of the character's (Lana's) dependence on the men in her sad life, and her complete abandonment of self in favor of their company and support. It touts the idea of independence and freedom, but always seems to be centered around the men she seems to give herself up to.

How Weetzie (and yet still culturally incorrect/rude) is this scene??

So, is she perfect? No.
Does that detract from the inspiration and vibe I find in her?
No!

She's flawed and some of her ideas are flawed, but that makes her much more of a down-to-earth icon that I kind of appreciate. We all do stupid things and hop onto wrong bandwagons. Look at Weetzie's use of Native culture in Weetzie Bat. Do we like Weetzie, or FLB books, less because of these instances? No. It's important to understand and acknowledge the problems in our heroes and inspiration, and learn and seek to not repeat those flaws, but not having them at all...? There's no such person.
Learn from your inspiration's flaws. Be better than them!

Back to the point.

My favorite songs::

Lolita
Off to the Races
Born to Die
Radio
Million Dollar Man
Blue Jeans
Dark Paradise
This is What Makes us Girls
Body Electric

Inspirations :: Holly Golightly

Today's Inspiration Icon :: Holly Golightly

(Character) Played by: Audrey Hepburn

Movie: Breakfast at Tiffany's (book as well)

If there ever was an icon above all icons, both in personality, fashion, style, and lifestyle, it's Holly Golightly.

Played (beautifully) by Audrey Hepburn (another icon in her own right) and written by Truman Capote, Holly is not necessarily all that bright, but is fun, sleek, quick, fashionable, and oh-so independent.

"Holly (age 18–19) is a country girl turned New York café society girl. As such, she has no job and lives by socializing with wealthy men, who take her to clubs and restaurants, and give her money and expensive presents; she hopes to marry one of them. According to Capote, Golightly is not a prostitute but an American geisha."<sup>[1]" -- Wikipedia

“I'm very scared, Buster. Yes, at last. Because it could go on forever. Not knowing what's yours until you've thrown it away.”  -- Holly, book

The book and movie are certainly two different things. Not only is one literary fiction (book) and one a romantic comedy (movie), but Holly is definitely different in each. Also, details in the plot and ending are very different (In the book, Paul [no name] is gay-- though in love with her-- and *spoiler* they don't end up together)</sup>

"Capote: Holly Golightly was not precisely a call girl. She had no job, but accompanied expense-account men to the best restaurants and night clubs, with the understanding that her escort was obligated to give her some sort of gift, perhaps jewelry or a check ... if she felt like it, she might take her escort home for the night. So these girls are the authentic American geishas" --Wikipedia

Yet both the book and the movie are two of my favorite things in the world, with very different reasons for each; but Holly is still a strange, wild, delightful character to read, watch, and be inspired by. I really think, though, that this is not only because of how cool or glamorous or independent she is (she is all those things) but all because of her very real, very human flaws.

"there are a lot of major differences between Capote's 1958 novella and George Axelrod's screenplay to the 1961 movie. There's the setting (the 1940s, not the contemporary 1960s), the nameless narrator (called Paul in the film), Holly's age (she's still in her late teens in the story but played by 31-year-old Hepburn on-screen), Holly's fondness for marijuana (gone in the film). Holly's bisexuality (ditto), and the wistful, ambiguous ending (replaced in the film by a conventional romantic happy ending)."
-here

^"Holly likes to shock people with carefully selected tidbits from her personal life or her outspoken viewpoints on various topics. Over the next year, she slowly reveals herself to the narrator, who finds himself fascinated by her curious lifestyle." -- Wikipedia

Holly is kind-hearted, but also selfish. Desperate to be free, she leaves her family behind and chooses a life for herself. Brave and free-spirited move? Yes. But there are many times when Holly shows her occasional selfish, shallow side. Also, her... intellect? I don't remember if this was an issue in the book (I'll check), but in the movie she shows a very simple lack of knowledge in things such as books and the law and her interpretations of people and situations. There's also her depression and sort of... lack of direction, which I think is a very human touch; her Mean Reds.



"“The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.”  " --Holly, movie

Yet despite these flaws she's still beautiful and fun and free, and kind of the very essence of a (admittedly lazy) modern woman who wants to choose her life and live it exactly as she likes wherever and whenever she wants to. She still feels out of place and like she hasn't found herself (or her home) yet, which is a theme that reoccurs in both the book and movie, but she continues to search. In the movie this is somewhat resolved with romance (of course) but in the book it's never really solved, perhaps because it doesn't have to be. Holly continues to explore the world and live as freely as she chooses, and I think it's a more empowering, freeing ending that allows us to remember that we can always continue on our journey. The romance is cute and all, but not exactly empowering.

""Good luck: and believe me, dearest Doc -- it's better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear.”" -- Holly, book

While Holly's leaving is remembered with melancholy, the book seems to say, in a way, that we never have to stop searching for ourselves if we don't want to. We don't have to settle down. We don't have to give in to what other people want. We don't have to be what other people want. We can live our own lives. Even as women. Even as someone selfish, vain, naive women; we can live our lives.

 




Related Reads:

Revelations about Breakfast At Tiffany's
Holly Golightly is my Guru
The Making of Holly Golightly
25 Things You Might Not Know...

A Dream I Would Have Kept Private If Not for an Intense Need to Share it

I had a dream about a boy. He was young and beautiful and naive.
He had an amazing accent and a face I could love. I didn't want to tell him I was older than him. That I had a boyfriend. That I couldn't- and wouldn't- be his.
We met by my first apartment and we, with another girl, his roommate, went to drive, then walk, somewhere. I asked about school and life, and it felt real. They are quiet from friendly and fun. I didn't notice an accent, or the face like james mcavoy, until later. I spent this early time appreciating this chance with new, young people. Making friends. Soon we were walking towards the school, and at one point my best friend was there, then gone, but soon the tree-lined streets became new york lights and bustle. I talked about my love of the city and how I'd never gotten to do the things they do on tv. Be with friends on crazy adventures on manhatten streets. I keep asking questions, talking, laughing. I stay close to the boy. I tell myself that we could just be friends, that he wouldn't want more- that I wouldn't. I talk the most and the three of us lose each other in the crowd all the time, but my hair is blue and I'm wearing my new jacket and my arm is around them like old friends and I love it all.
There were strange parts in between- stores and cars and fear and drinks and a tennis court- but then we are back on the street and my heart already aches for him.  [this feeling will last the rest of the dream, and carry through my slow wake up. I want to hold on to it so much I will put off waking to create an ending to our story. I want to hold that feeling, that aching longing, as long as I can.]
After that the dream was soon different. The three of us want to walk home. At one point the boy does drugs I don't want, and it makes me sad. At one point he kissed my now-bare shoulder, forgetting I wasn't his to kiss, and I wanted him and it hurt. At one point my boyfriend was there, his arm around my waist as we all walked, and though I didn't want him gone, it hurt as well, and I wanted to wrap my arms around the boy.
Then it is just us, walking somewhere else, still trying to go home. I don't know where I am but I keep going. A busy highway, a shopping center. We're arguing. I'm mad about something. I mention his behavior, and the fact that I'm not his to-- what? be jealous about? At some point I notice the accent. Mild, almost irish. I love it instantly.
There's a turnstile and then we're in a grassy valley, walking. There's a few other people and it's bright and I don't feel afraid. He asks about school and I finally tell him I'm older than he is. We walk and talk and I'm dreading the end. I'm offered a joint I gladly take. We say we'll meet later, go for a drink. I see in his eyes that we both need it. We meet at a bar I've been to in my dreams before. I find him after seeing other people I seem to know. We see something strange here that I don't understand. We've already realized that we want to be together. And that we can't. There's something here we find, something that tells u s we were supposed to meet, that because of it he will do something he's meant to do and become a better person. His face is afraid and hurt. He worries that it won't be true and that he'll be the same. The face is so young, his self-doubt so strong. I hold his face in my hands and tell him I don't care, because even if he stays the same, that's a pretty great person. What I mean is that I love him anyway. I can feel it and it hurts.
Then we're in a cobbled street and someone knows me. I'm supposed to do something. Another part I didn't understand, we follow them and we're somewhere else, a gun fired into the air and i am supposed to be there. I don't understand but the me in the dream is sobbing, and the boy is holding me tight.
Here I'm waking up.
Somewhere in between dreaming and waking I slow it down.
He doesn't want me to go, and I don't want to leave. I try to explain. there are different kinds of love, and just because you could - or do - love someone, doesn't mean you give up the love you already have. you can love an infinite amount of people in different ways and for different reasons, but you can't always be with them. i tell him he's young and fun and beautiful and maybe I could spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm already spending my life with someone else. i can't leave that life, and wouldn't want to.
Being in his arms is a painful, beautiful longing. When my eyes open, I wrap my arms around myself and let my heart ache. I want to hold on to this feeling. This passion. I miss this kind of pain.
Soon I'll forget his face and the way his voice felt in my head and how his long, slim arms felt around me.
Soon I'll forget. But I'll miss it.

Exactly (Songs I Love #3)

Exactly

By Amy Steinberg

***

i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am a blessing manifest
i can undress the moment
naked time unwinds beneath my mind
and from within i find the kind of beauty
only i can find
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am surrendering so willingly
to be the perfect me inside this now
and truly how else could it be
destiny she blesses me
when i try to fight or run
i only wind up back at square one
when i think i know what's best for me
fate she takes me back
to exactly where i need to be
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am divinely timed and shining brightly
yes i believe that there's a purpose just for me
yes i believe that we are light
and we shine infinitely
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am not aimlessly existing see
i am in perfect harmony with universal energy
and i am truly free when i accept my own divinity
look at me look at me closely
what exactly do you see
if you are paying attention you will now begin ascension of the mind
why, because if you look at me just right you will see a kiss
for it took a kiss to make this breath exist
the intersection of my mother's and father's lips
to touch twist and perfect what came next to produce me
look at me and you will see the breeze
the breeze it took to shake the leaves to make
my mother's hair move, my father dare touch it and say
please may i have a kiss
yes the breeze made me exist
and if you want to get even deeper into this
when you look at me you will see a cloud
the cloud it took to form the storm to shake the leaves to
inspire the liplock - yes a raindrop will pop up out these words
you heard me right
if you look at me close enough you will see a dark stormy night
and what is night without it's polar opposite of sunlight
so if you watch the way my hands sway
you'll see the light of day
and everyday is a testament to the sediment of the earth's core
it's ever spinning enormous force so if you look at me just right
you will see a spark of the source
but the most fascinating thing about this, and it's true
is that if you look at me close enough, you see you
it's only what you perceive how you believe the space between
you and me
that creates reality
so when i sing you can feel it
when i cry you can heal it
when i speak words you can be the words i speak by singing with me
peace love free
peace love free
peace love free
and when i am alone and full of fear
i just remember the rising sun always appears
everyday miracles that i see
well they take me back to exactly where i need to be 

 ***photo found in Zedge Android App. Is currently my favorite wallpaper.

Beautiful Books:: The Elementals

Currently reading FLBs "The Elementals".

It had a slow start, I think, but I've fallen in love. Very pretty. Very ... relatable, if that's even a word. In fact, I find it more relatable than some of her other books. 

There's just something much more relatable and understanding about a girl entering college after traumatic setbacks and feeling lost, alone, and grasping onto the things she finally finds magical. 

 "That was when I started to run. I ran and ran as fast as I could along the pavement. Sweat poured down my face, mixing with the tears that had started to come. I could run fast. But you just can't run faster than time, not faster than death and, as I'd find out, not faster than love."

-- page 8

Weetzie Bat led a beautiful life, but it's not one everyone gets, or understands, or even necessarily wants. But Ariel is so real and complex in her fears and desires that I see myself behaving much the same way as her in many of the situations she faces. Her fear and anxiety and loneliness and desire to find her friend (and herself) definitely reflect me back at myself in a sad, beautiful way. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

"I walked past groups of laughing frat boys in monster masks and sorority girls dressed as sexy cats, sexy witches or sexy fairies in accessorized leotards and tights. The homeless were out in full force as well but the Greek kids were ignoring them in the usual way, as if they were invisible, phantoms. But I saw. The woman with the wings held a skeleton mask over her face and her small companion was dressed head to toe in clothes that looked as if they had been dipped in blood. The man with dreadlocks had twisted them into horns. He approached me, mumbling and waving his hands. I froze. As he got closer he shouted, 'The end is near and the parallel universe is not near complete!' He kept walking past me and I resumed breathing. The air smelled of coffee and chocolate. I stopped at the corner and looked around. People were sitting in the cafe. It seemed so warm and cozy in there."

  -- page 29

It reminds me a little of Echo, in the searching, and Quakeland in its self aware anxiety, The Hanged Man in its views of life and the self, and Ecstasia in its lush sensory descriptions.

But all of these in a much more narrative, realistic, understandable way. I can see myself as Ariel in ways I couldn't with other characters. I don't aspire to be like her or in her life; I just could be. Anyone could be.

The story is part coming-of-age, part supernatural, and part crime mystery. It's lovely and touching and sad and scary, and reminds you of those times when you just want to run and jump and dance, dress up, play, light candles and kiss and write and sing and be alive as much as possible.

"Everywhere I went I imagined she was walking with me. I tried to see things through her eyes; it wasn't hard. I knew how she thought. The faces she would find beautiful or interesting, the scruffy and disabled dogs she would stop to pet, the jewelry she would life from black velvet on the street vendor's table, examining to see how it was made, the buildings she would want to live in."

--page 17

It's also incredibly grounded in its representation of love and fear and tragedy, and I swear it's a wonderful read, Teen-Fiction or not. 

It's amazing.

Soba Salad Anyone?

Scanning through Necklace of Kisses last week for a post got me wanting miso soup and cold soba noodles. She eats them like three times and there's only so many times I can see or hear about something before I want it (okay, so it's really only one time, but still).

So last weekend I got some miso paste, tofu, and wakame seaweed and settled the miso problem. That's easy enough.

But while I know how to make soba noodles, and usually have the noodles themselves around, I'm generally afraid to try anything new with them.

Today I got over that fear.

The stuff;
Buck wheat soba noodles
Meat/protein (I used cooked steak, next time gonna use quinoa and egg)
Veggies (peas, Napa cabbage, spinach are good)
Toppings (sesame seeds, nori strips, furikake)
Sauce. You can use a light dressing like miso dressing, peanut dressing, or just soba broth -- here's what I used today;  drippings from the steak, bottled soba broth, scallions, a drop of sesame oil, black vinegar, and crushed peanuts.

The process;
1. Prepare your meat/protein as needed. Set aside to cool.
2. Prepare soba as directed on package.
3. While soba is boiling, prep everything. -if using frozen veggies, add to boiling noodles so they cook with it. -cut protein however you'd like it. I prefer small chunks for meats/tofu.
4. Prepare your chosen sauce and allow to cool if hot. I mixed all my dressing ingredients in a pan on low and then let cool. If you're using a bottled dressing/broth, no work required!
5. Rinse noodles really really well in a colander and then allow to drain fully.
6. In a big bowl, mix all ingredients gently. Start with noodles, then veggies, then most of the meat and a helping of sauce. Start slow with the sauce and add as needed- you don't want it soupy. Then add some of your toppings and mix gently. Add ingredients as desired.
7. In (cute) bowls or traditional platforms, use chopsticks to arrange a pile of noodles. Make sure to get helpings of meat, veggies, etc. To finish, place a few bits of protein around the edge and top with a small pile of sesame seeds and nori strips/flakes, and any other toppings.
8. Enjoy your cool, filling, healthy meal.